I want to become a Christian, but I still like to party
I had a saving experienced with Jesus, but I have not been baptized to be forgiven for my sins. I find myself in a predicament. I was in an abusive relationship and there where acts of pure evil being committed. I came away from that turmoil into the house of God and things started to get better. However, I find a couple of hurdles before me due to my trauma in the relationship. I also have been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.
I go out on the weekends to enjoy myself. It helps my mental state to be stimulated in an atmosphere where everyone's enjoying themselves. I find myself enjoying the atmosphere. I know there is nothing that can be done about the hangover afterward, but that's just a bit of rough with the smooth. The main problem is fornication. It keeps me active, and I find it naturally healthy and pure.
Since I'm not born again (been baptized), I find myself on a thin line. I need baptism for the forgiveness of sins, but, on the other hand, I enjoy these weekends and the benefits that come from a night out. It helps my circumstances by getting me back together after my abuse and trauma, which can affect everything about a man. When a woman inflicts wrong on a man she's with, it can be a troubling experience.
"Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For the time already past is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 4:1-3).
A person cannot be saved while remaining in his sins. After all, the idea of salvation is to be saved from sin. "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?" (Romans 6:1-2). This is why repentance is required prior to baptism (Acts 2:38). You have to turn away from both the sinful behaviors and your acceptance of sin.
Currently, you are using drunkenness and carousing as a way to escape your memories and from the problems caused by your schizophrenia. They don't solve your problems. You merely stop thinking about them for a while. Actually, your alcohol use is likely causing your schizophrenia to become worse.
"Alcohol also serve as a method of self-medication for schizophrenic symptoms, and a person may drink in order to try and function more "normally." Alcohol can temporarily dull anxiety and lower inhibitions. Someone who struggles with schizophrenia may have poor impulse control and decision-making abilities, which can make them more likely to participate in activities that can be self-destructive, such as problematic drinking." ["Schizophrenia and Alcoholism", Alcohol.org]
I suspect you are also lonely, so partying is a way to pretend that people want you but again, it doesn't last. Too often you end up being used. "For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread, and an adulteress hunts for the precious life" (Proverbs 6:26). In other words, a harlot sees men as a way to put food on the table and adulteress enjoys the hunt for new conquests but neither care about the guys they use.
God can offer you so much more and it comes without the "side-effects" of sin. You might have to use a medication to deal with your schizophrenia, but that is better than self-medicating with stuff that doesn't really work.