I know we’ve sinned, but my parents are controlling my life. Shouldn’t I be able to make my own decisions?
Question:
I had sex with my boyfriend about 2 months after we got together. We were friends for about a year before we became a couple. I'm 28 and he is 30 years old. We are both Christians. I'm from a Christian family, but he is not. He has been a Christian for a little less than ten years. Both of us want to get married. We know we had sinned. We regret our actions.
Just as my boyfriend was about to get to know my parents better by visiting my family more often and then tell them about our plans, my parents found out what we did. I suspect they read my diary. They were furious. They force us to separate from each other. They even went to his workplace and told him to stop seeing or contacting me. We were both so sad. I am not allowed to go out without my parents' consent anymore. And they also don't want me to have any non-Christian friends.
It's been about six months now since my parents took control over my life, restricting my freedom. I feel so depressed as I'm working for my father. I'm under their scrutiny constantly. But I still find ways sometimes to see him because I miss him very much, and he misses me too. We would end up sinning again after meeting up, even though we didn't plan to. I feel very guilty. I have messed up my life. I know we are not supposed to fornicate, so we both want to get married, but we are not allowed to. If my parents didn't do such a thing to us, we wouldn't have to meet secretly and then lead to sin.
My relationship with my parents has really turned sour ever since. They even try to control me using the high priest. I argue with them every time they try to control what I do. Are my parents right by separating my boyfriend and me by force? I am not a kid anymore but an adult. Should they treat me like a prisoner? They don't allow me to have a choice of my own but want to control me.
What do you think about this? Please advise.
Answer:
I know of no country in the world where a 28-year-old does not have full control over her own life. They haven't forced you to do anything. You chose to have sex, even though you know it is wrong. You've been justifying it by blaming your parents, but they did not have anything to do with your decisions.
I don't know what denomination you are a part of, but in Christianity, the only high priest is Jesus Christ. "Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession" (Hebrews 4:14). There is no earthly man who functions as a high priest in the Christian religion.
You claim that you and your boyfriend are Christians, but then smear the name of Christ by both sinning and blaming others for your sins. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). If you are going to be Christians then act like followers of Christ. Neither you nor your boyfriend is being righteous in your conduct.
Nothing stops you from getting married. You could have done so at any time. You don't need anyone's permission. True, your parents might not agree. You'll probably have to move out of your parent's home, but you would move out when you get married anyway. You'll probably lose your job in your parents' company, but that just means finding another job. Every complaint you offer is a problem that you manufactured.
You claim not to be a kid anymore, so act like a mature, adult Christian and live a righteous life. Being an adult means not only making your own decisions but also accepting the consequences of those decisions.
