I fell back into pornography
I am a young Christian man who has endured nearly 13 years of porn addiction. I understand it's not proper for us Christians to feast on such trash. I had even alienated myself from my home church for nearly ten months and had to attend different churches.
About two weeks ago, I decided to quit porn for good. I threw away the old gadget which I used to watch porn. It was a huge milestone for me. Unfortunately, I fell into the devil's trap today when I came back from church and a suggestive image popped up, I think someone is using me as a spiritual husband for his or her selfish interests. That's how certain folks make money in Africa.
All my efforts were in vain. I have asked for forgiveness from God several times and also shared my weaknesses both at church and with my close friends. Am I worthy of God's grace? How can I overcome a habitual sin? I'm now afraid to go to church because they denounce such things. In the end, it's better for me to pray at home, trying to reform than to be a hypocritical brother in the church.
Please help me with your advice.
I always find it sadly interesting how people in despair cut off their support in their times of greatest need.
Of course, Christians oppose sin, but that doesn't mean that they want you to abandon your brethren. They want you to abandon your sin. "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. ... My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins" (James 5:16, 19-20). You never had to attend other churches, except as a way to hide your guilt. This, then, is where the problem lies. You knew you were caught in the trap of Satan but you didn't seek out help.
Nor have your efforts been in vain. You spent two weeks without pornography, which is a great start. In addition, you were finally able to tell others about your struggles -- something you were unable to do in the past. Yes, you fell but now is the time to get back up to press further. "For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, but the wicked stumble in time of calamity" (Proverbs 24:16). Sin is not something you overcome on your own. You need people to help you, encourage you, and check on you.
Habits are broken by the continual effort to break their hold over you. It isn't an easy road but it doesn't work. It isn't instantaneous, but as you progress, it stays with you.
Meanwhile, don't blame others for what you, unfortunately, chose to do. "The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father's iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son's iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20). Others might tempt you with sin, but the choice remains your own. Since it was your own choice, it is also within your ability to say "no" to future temptations (I Corinthians 10:13).