I know you don’t want to hear this from a 19-year-old teenage girl. I’m just lost and carrying a huge burden on my back of guilt and shame. Romans 6 tells me I’m no longer a slave to sin, but somehow I feel unworthy of that title.
I don't know anyone who deserves God's gift of salvation. After all, "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). Even when we do our best and manage to keep God's commands those aren't special. "So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done'" (Luke 17:10).
This isn't about us. It is all about God. "What if God, although willing to demonstrate His wrath and to make His power known, endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction? And He did so to make known the riches of His glory upon vessels of mercy, which He prepared beforehand for glory, even us, whom He also called" (Romans 9:22-24). Forgiveness is what God is offering people who are willing to yield their will to follow after God. He offers this out of His goodness and we should appreciate it. That is how Paul saw it. "It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life" (I Timothy 1:15-16).
When you sit in your misery, you show no thankfulness for the indescribable gift God gave you or the sacrifice Jesus went through to purchase you. "Now consider this, you who forget God, or I will tear you in pieces, and there will be none to deliver. He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; and to him who orders his way aright I shall show the salvation of God" (Psalms 50:22-23).
I think that what I have done is the worst sin. I was a believer and then fell away and worshipped God’s adversary. And even tried to sell my soul to him. Is that not what Esau did when he sold his birthright or when Judas sold out Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. The children of Israel even made a “deal with death” in Isaiah 28:15? I’m not sure what all of these stories mean. I just wish I understood everything better so I could have peace of mind about my salvation. It’s hard to move on and be happy and rejoice when I just have so many more questions and am not 100% sure. What I do know is that I have turned away from all of that stuff, confessed, and repented, and was baptized. I just hope it’s not too late for me. Did Jesus die for every single sin that ever was and was ever to come? Even mine?
Yes, you sinned, just as everyone else has. It might appear to you to be the worse sin ever, but to God sin is sin. All sins are forgivable when you turn away from the sin.
Esau's problem was that he never changed. "See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; that there be no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal. For you know that even afterwards, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears" (Hebrews 12:15-17). He wanted a blessing so badly, but never bad enough to actually change himself.
Judas regretted what he did, but allowed his sorrow to lose all hope. "For whoever is joined with all the living, there is hope; surely a live dog is better than a dead lion" (Ecclesiastes 9:4). Judas never changed because he didn't stay in life long enough to change.
"Therefore, hear the word of the LORD, O scoffers, who rule this people who are in Jerusalem, because you have said, 'We have made a covenant with death, and with Sheol we have made a pact. The overwhelming scourge will not reach us when it passes by, for we have made falsehood our refuge and we have concealed ourselves with deception.' Therefore thus says the Lord GOD, 'Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone, a tested stone, a costly cornerstone for the foundation, firmly placed. He who believes in it will not be disturbed. I will make justice the measuring line and righteousness the level; then hail will sweep away the refuge of lies and the waters will overflow the secret place. Your covenant with death will be canceled, and your pact with Sheol will not stand; when the overwhelming scourge passes through, then you become its trampling place. As often as it passes through, it will seize you; For morning after morning it will pass through, anytime during the day or night, And it will be sheer terror to understand what it means'" (Isaiah 29:14-19).
The people of Israel thought they could avoid God's punishment by making a deal with death. But as God pointed out, their deal was useless because it was false. Again, we have people who are told they are in sin, and instead of changing, they sought out some way to remain as they are and not suffer any consequences.
None of these examples apply to your situation because you did realize you were in the wrong and then changed.
"'Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, each according to his conduct,' declares the Lord GOD. 'Repent and turn away from all your transgressions, so that iniquity may not become a stumbling block to you. Cast away from you all your transgressions which you have committed and make yourselves a new heart and a new spirit! For why will you die, O house of Israel? For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone who dies,' declares the Lord GOD. 'Therefore, repent and live'" (Ezekiel 18:30-32).
Okay, so as long as we repent of sin, any sin, no matter what it is, will be forgiven by God?
Yes, it does. All souls belong exclusively to God. And God said that all sins can be forgiven. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).