I feel separated from God
Question:
Hello,
I was doing some research on some topics concerning me and came upon Can you explain what “if we sin willfully” in Hebrews 10:26 means? First of all, thank you for your contributions and answers.
I have been a bit worried and confused recently after experiencing quite a bad heartbreak and betrayal. I have been getting to know God for several years now but was only recently saved a few months ago. I experienced true acceptance of Jesus and felt a transformation and the Holy Spirit make its home in me. I was full of light and love.
This lasted for a short time because very soon after, I started to experience trials with a relationship that had been very deep, very spiritual, but also quite unhealthy. He also was saved alongside me, but even after that, he put the last nail in the coffin of our relationship leading to splitting up for good. After this loss, I have felt great separation from God -- a feeling that I am unforgiven and bitterness within. It seems it is very hard to control these feelings, and I am praying to God to help me with these feelings, but I feel I am getting nothing back. I have never felt so separated from God in my life. I also feel this meaningless and pointlessness to everything, which I know is bad. I believe it might be due to the deep loss, pain, and hurt.
Isn't living in a state of bitterness living in sin? I can't seem to shake this feeling and get back on track with a heart full of love and grace, like Jesus. However, I still feel the Holy Spirit is in me, and I know I love God. I believe this bitterness, or maybe pride, is the only sin I'm dealing with right now that I know of.
Any help on this would be greatly appreciated. I just want to get back to my calling and not feel like I'm on the sidelines or "kicked out."
Answer:
Read back through your note and notice that the only event you mentioned is that you and your boyfriend broke up and that you already knew that it was an unhealthy relationship, even though you tried to dress it up claiming it was somehow "spiritual." Yes, break-ups hurt. But what does this have to do with God?
What I find in almost every statement is an emphasis on your feelings, as if your feelings determine what is right or wrong or is an indicator of your relationship with God. "The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). The heart, the center of your emotions, it a completely unreliable guide for anything. It responds to your environment, but it cannot determine a course of action or tell you the state of your relationship with God.
Bitterness (anger and resentment at being treated in a way that you think is unfair) causes problems because you no longer see life accurately. You only focus on the negative and will end up blaming God for the mistakes that you made yourself. "See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled" (Hebrews 12:15).
Your relationship with God is based on how you act and not on how you feel. "By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, "I have come to know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked" (I John 2:3-6).
