I don’t know how I got myself into this situation
Question:
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I am 22 years old and he is 25. Before I meet him, I was on fire for God. I used to tell people about the goodness of God. I am even an armorbearer for my pastor -- I carry his Bible and travel with him wherever he goes. I know in my heart that the calling of God is upon my life, but since I meet my boyfriend, I don't fast as I used to.
He and I are totally different. He said he believes in God, but his actions do not show it. He smokes every day and hangs out with friends who do not know God. He and I fight almost every day.
My pastor does not know that we live together. Every time I take him to church he always doubts God, even says stuff about my pastor that is not true.
I don't know how I got myself in this situation. Every time I try to let go I always end up coming back to him. I have a 4-year-old child who always sees us fighting. He loves me because if he didn't he would not have been there for me. I thought one day that God will change him, but it's been two years and there is still no change. I want to disconnect myself from him, but something is telling me that I need him.
I really want to go back to that fire that I used to have. I want to go back to my first love, my God. Nobody at church knows that I am having sex with him or on birth control. I can't talk to my pastor about this because he will be shocked at me. I just need advice from someone please help me.
Answer:
"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
You are both living a lie. He is just a bit more honest about his lies than you are. You pretend to be a Christian while going against the things that Christ stands for. "Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46). You're committing fornication and this must not be the first man you have done so with since you mention having a four-year-old child.
There are other troubling things. There is no mention of an "armorbearer" in the New Testament church. This is a made-up position by someone. Fasting is not required of Christians; yet, you seem to think it is commanded (See: Should Christians fast?). Thus, in your personal life and in your religious life, following Christ accurately doesn't appear to be a concern.
If I had to guess, I would say that you put more emphasis on your feelings than God's teaching. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26). This is why you can't seem to leave a bad relationship, even when you know it is sinful. You trust your feelings more than you trust God's teachings.
The question is not how you got into sin, but how you get out, and that starts with a resolve to begin following Christ, not just in words but for real. "Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth" (I John 3:18). Religion is not what you claim but what you live.
Question:
Amen. I understand everything you said to me. I just need help on how to start all over. How can I get back to that fire that I once used to have? How can I let go and let God? I cannot do it by myself, I've tried so many times, but I keep can't do it in the flesh. If I said my boyfriend and I should get married I will only be fooling myself. I don't want it to be about me anymore, I want it to be all about Jesus. But I am struggling. I need God's divine help.
Answer:
It starts as simply as doing. "Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does" (James 1:21-25).
You know that living with a man you are not married to is wrong, so one of you has to move out. You know that having sex when you are not married is wrong, so that stops. "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). In each thing, you put into practice what God said, regardless of your personal feelings in the matter.
Response:
Thank you so much. I highly appreciate your time. I will make a step by letting him go. I will also keep you updated on everything. Please keep me in your prayers.
