I believe your article on suicide is unfair
Question:
Good afternoon. I read an article on your website under the title, "I find your article on why suicide is a sin to be completely unsympathetic and untrue." It was published in 2018 by Alan Feaster.
I am not going to debate your position that suicide is a sin. I am not stating that I agree or disagree with that position; I am accepting it as Alan Feaster's position, and because he presents it on the La Vista Church of Christ website, I am presuming it to be the position of the elders at the La Vista Church of Christ. Again, I am not attempting to argue that point with you.
What I would like to say is this. Ephesians 4:15 tells us to speak the truth in love. The author states that he feels for people struggling with suicidal ideation and that it is heartbreaking to see the loss of life, but the rest of the article shows callous indifference toward the people his words most affect. I am not stating that he intends to be harsh or cruel, but that the words are unkind. The intent behind a person's words is important, but so is the effect.
The article I read is in reply to a message from one of your readers. The author of the article makes judgments about the motives of the reader he is replying to, as well as the motives of people who have committed suicide, saying that the reader is looking for reasons to stay depressed and that those who commit suicide are cowards. I believe this to be unfair. You do not necessarily know people's intentions by observing a fraction of their behavior. You may judge their behavior or beliefs as incorrect if you wish, but you cannot tell the thought behind their actions or words. I believe that making such a judgment is unfair and reads as an attack against the reader's person rather than their position.
The statement is made that someone who loses hope has stopped trusting in God. Job 6:8-11 reads, "Oh that I might have my request; and that God would grant me the thing that I long for! Even that it would please God to destroy me; that he would let loose his hand, and cut me off! Then should I yet have comfort; yea, I would harden myself in sorrow: let him not spare; for I have not concealed the words of the Holy One. What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?" Yet James 5:11 speaks of Job favorably. God does not seem to condemn Job for the way he expressed his pain or for the hopelessness he felt. Additionally, I Kings 19 contains the account of Elijah asking God to kill him and the gentle way God handles Elijah's pain. God first handles Elijah's physical needs with food, water, and sleep. He gives Elijah a chance to express his pain verbally, a set of achievable tasks (a helpful coping mechanism for many), and comfort in the knowledge that Elijah was not as alone as he had feared. He also provides Elijah with companionship in the form of Elisha. Even if you believe suicide is a sin, your reaction to those who are grieving the death of a loved one, your reaction to those struggling with hopelessness or despair, and your reaction to those contemplating suicide should involve compassion. Without it, you will only win over those who already agree with you.
The article named at the start of this email references a previous article on the La Vista Church of Christ website. Here is the quote: "Your accusations fall short as the article even provides a solution: 'Here, then, is the solution to your problems, no matter how overwhelming they may seem. Suicide doesn't bring joy into anyone's life, but Jesus holds the key to eternal joy.' It points people to follow Jesus' teaching to find purpose in life and overcome their problems by trusting in God." I have altered the quote only to adjust the quotation marks to facilitate clarity.
Trusting in God, having greater faith, praying, and studying the Bible are not cure-alls for mental health any more than they are for physical health. We accept that our bodies can become ill and may require a doctor's assistance; the Bible may contain helpful information regarding our physical health, but we understand that a person does not catch the flu or have cancer or diabetes because they aren't praying enough. Similarly, mental health issues do not come about from a lack of faithfulness or failure to pray. While the word of God certainly has advice for this aspect of human life, we may not always know what it is or how to apply it; additionally, the services of a doctor or mental health professional may be necessary to cope with mental health issues. When someone struggling approaches the church for help and is told to turn to Jesus for joy or to trust God, it implies that the person struggling is suffering because they are not faithful enough, and such advice offers them nothing they did not already know. You may even discourage people from asking for help if they fear your judgment or are ashamed of a perceived moral failure for having the struggle at all.
I am not asking you to change your stance on suicide, but the way you present your beliefs can be harmful. If we are callous instead of kind, we drive people away from the church, we cause pain when we do not need to, and we reinforce the idea that the church of Christ is full of unloving people. I do not have the right or the ability to judge the intent behind Mr. Feaster's words, but anyone who reads them may judge the results. I don't believe this article has been done right by the reader Alan Feaster is replying to or by those readers who come later.
Answer:
For a person who repeatedly claims she isn't making judgments about people's intentions, you manage to do so repeatedly. You call Alan callous, discouraging, scary, judgmental, and unfair, which is quite the opposite of Alan's personality. You state you don't want to debate the positions expressed, but again, you turn around to do so. As Jesus pointed out, I must look at what you do and not what you claim. "Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:15-16).
I don't know your credentials, but I do know Alan's experience. Alan worked for a while in a suicide hotline center. As he pointed out, he and I have both worked with suicidal people and managed to talk people out of killing themselves. We backed up our positions with Scriptures you did not attempt to address.
I reviewed what Alan wrote, and once again, I found nothing cruel, harsh, or unkind in his reply as you charged. You did seem to miss that he was addressing a critic much like yourself. She was upset because her nephew had committed suicide, and she wanted to believe that he was justified. She didn't like the evidence that suicide is sinful. Yet, you take an answer talking to someone wanting to feel better about what her nephew did and try to twist it into addressing people who are wrestling with the desire to commit suicide.
You gave two examples from the people who were so miserable that they asked God to take their lives. What you overlooked is that neither Job nor Elijah attempted to kill themselves. Yes, they asked God to remove them from this sorrowful world, but that is as far as it went. They respected life and knew that it is God who should decide when life ends. Job and Elijah are respected because they held on and overcame their trials. You do your position a disservice by conflating the expression of a desire to die with wanting to take your own life and the attempt to do so. The result is a false belief that suicide is acceptable and an indirect encouragement to people to consider sin.
You then move on to claim that suicide is a mental health issue. I find that interesting. It implies that you recognize that people who desire to kill themselves are not thinking normally. Neither Alan nor I disagree that people can benefit from medical treatment for mental illnesses. Alan even quoted the APA that depression is treatable. However, medication only treats physical conditions. A desire to commit sins, such as suicide, is a spiritual problem. You then make judgments about people's intentions by concluding what you think a person might conclude: that they shouldn't ask for help or that they would be ashamed of a "perceived moral failure." The problem is that this is your opinion, offered without evidence, and it happens to be false.
Just because an answer is not written the way you would, it doesn't mean it is wrong or hurtful.
