How Should We Treat Those Who Have Been Withdrawn From?

by Kyle Ellison

This is a question that receives much attention, concern, and even debate at times. However, when considering a question like this, we are not left without guidance from Scripture.

First, we must treat them with love, care, and compassion. We should never look down on anyone who has fallen, nor should we treat them as lesser. Those toward whom discipline is exercised are not enemies—they are brothers and sisters.

“Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother” (II Thessalonians 3:15).

“Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).

Secondly, there should be a relational change with this individual, even if that is difficult. In other words, the purpose of discipline is that this person should not be someone with whom regular social, recreational, or extracurricular activities and meals are shared. I realize this may seem difficult, but the goal of discipline is to bring about a marked change in the relationship so that they may feel sorrowful over their direction and choices.

This does not mean there should be no contact. You should keep appropriate contact through greetings, cards, texts, and check-ins. However, it would be a violation of Scripture to enjoy dinners out, holiday gatherings without interruption, social outings, restaurant visits, sporting events, vacations, and the like. The nature of the relationship must be marked by difference in order to bring about repentance.

Notice what Paul says concerning this:

“But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person” (I Corinthians 5:11).

“Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us” (II Thessalonians 3:6).

Lastly, these commands are not to be avoided because of your relationship with the one being disciplined. Whether it is an adult child, a brother or sister, a father or mother, the command remains the same.

Sad indeed is the situation where we bend, fudge, or ignore God’s Word because it involves close relationships! Now, there do seem to be caveats in cases involving a disabled or dependent child, or a spouse toward whom you must still fulfill biblical obligations and duties. Nevertheless, we must not be tempted to bend Scripture because of emotional bias.

I realize that these kinds of teachings seem utterly foreign to society today, yet God has set forth His expectation, and we would do well to follow it carefully.