How do we protect our children from unsafe relatives?

Question:

Hello,

My husband and I recently found out we are expecting our first child, and with that comes great responsibility, as we want to raise our children to love the Lord. We have been talking about a couple of individuals on my husband’s side who cause us a great deal of stress (because of their lifestyles) at the thought of them being around our children. Quite frankly, we don’t know what to do about it. We want to shelter and protect our children from them but want to make sure it’s not the wrong choice.

The first issue is about my husband’s uncle. He was arrested about 8-9 years ago and went to jail for a few years for possession of child pornography. He is a registered sex offender. He’s flamboyantly gay and has recently come off his probation. My husband’s family makes a lot of excuses for him and is undoubtedly on his side. Now, we no longer have the safety net of his probation to use as an excuse as to why he can’t meet our children. Also, my side of the family has a lot of kids, and I know they will not want him around their kids. We want to know your opinion on handling this situation the best way we can.

The other issue has to do with his sister. She is 23 and, for the past 3 1/2 years, has been heavily immersed in new-age practices. She’s a medium, does tarot card readings, teaches yoga, listens to astrology, goes on retreats where they take substances (hallucinogenic drugs) for their “spiritual” practices, and smokes marijuana and other drugs like it. I believe she has even called herself a “pansexual.” She’s unashamedly proud of her lifestyle and sees nothing wrong with it. We also don’t want this kind of influence on our children either. When she heard our baby is due in April, she tried to tell us our baby will be just like her since she was also born in April. How should we handle her and her involvement with our kids? We’ve thought we should talk with her about what we do and do not want to be discussed around our kids. What do you think?

Answer:

Sadly, we don't get to pick our relatives, and not all people are good. We cannot make people be good or conform to our views. Thus, you can talk to your sister-in-law about what you don't want her to tell your children, but she'll forget because she doesn't see what she is doing as wrong or harmful. About all you can do is encourage her to become a Christian and in her rejection of it, she will learn just how different your beliefs are from her own. "Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man's enemies will be the members of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me" (Matthew 10:34-37).

Instead of constant conflicts with these members of your husband's family, limit the time that you spend with them. You and your husband may want to consider moving to a different region where you won't see them as often. Even if you can't do that, these two should not be on your list for babysitters or regular visitors to your home. Since your husband's parents defend the sins of their relatives, it would be best to limit the time your children spend with them since they may see nothing wrong with allowing unsafe people access to your children.

These choices will not make you popular with your relatives, but your current stance on their behaviors is probably already going over poorly. "For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their prayers; But the face of the LORD is against those who do evil." And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you are blessed. "And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled." But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed. For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil" (I Peter 3:12-17). It doesn't matter if they like you or not. All that matters is whether God approves of you.

Question:

Thank you. I agree with everything you said! Time with his family is already limited, and it will stay that way when our first child is born.

My last question is: Would you allow a child sex offender to ever be around your children? I don’t know if I can in good conscience allow it.

Answer:

I would definitely limit it as best I could, but there are going to be occasions when you can't prevent it, such as a wedding or a funeral where he might be present. You'll have to keep an eye on your child in those situations.