How do I talk to my wife about modesty?
Question:
My wife struggles with modesty. I do my best to show and tell her that I support and love her regardless of her decisions, but it still makes me uncomfortable when she chooses to dress immodestly. It’s not that I don’t find her attractive, because she is. I feel uncomfortable because I believe that God wants us to dress in ways that are respectful to our bodies.
It is especially hard when we are in public and other members of our church congregation judge her (by giving her ‘the eye’ or making snide comments). This hurts her faith and decreases her desire to attend church and follow God.
What should I do? What should we do?
Answer:
You have concluded that your wife's choice in clothing is not modest. You notice that the women in the congregation have made the same conclusion, but the women are faulted for "judging" your wife. Your wife doesn't desire to attend services, but you put the blame on the women of the church. It appears to me that since both you and the women have reached the same conclusion, that it is your wife who doesn't want to be someplace that causes her to realize that she isn't making the greatest of choices.
It appears that both you and the women are avoiding talking directly to your wife about her choices in clothing. Perhaps you know it won't go well, and most people try to avoid conflict.
In order to convince her to change, you would have to know why she is making the choices that she is making. When a person thinks that everyone else has a problem and not herself, she is using her own feelings to decide what is acceptable. One lesson I've used in the past to get people to think about what kind of statement they are making with their clothing is: What Does Your Clothing Say?
All I can suggest is continued teaching by you and the church regarding modesty, submission, and being different from the world.
