How do I stop myself from committing fornication?
Question:
I am a Christian in my early twenties. I committed fornication when I was trying to help a lady. She wanted a place to sleep for the night before continuing her journey the next day. That was over a month ago. Last week she visited me. I couldn't stop myself. Again I had sex with her. I confessed my sins and promise never to do that after the first time, but when she came the second time I failed my promise. Please help me. As a Christian what should I do, so that I can control myself with this type of sin?
Answer:
Like many young men, you don't really consider the power sex has over the body. "For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of hell. Lest you ponder her path of life -- her ways are unstable; you do not know them" (Proverbs 5:3-6).
You are a man and you have no business having a female in your home. The situation is too private and it is too easy to yield to temptation, as you have learned. If a female needs a place to spend the night, then you find a female friend she can stay with. You need to not only protect guests from external harm but also protect them from yourself (as well as protecting you and your reputation).
I disagree that you couldn't stop yourself from having sex with this woman. Rather, you had no desire to stop at the time because you were too inflamed with passion. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13). There were several ways out, but you didn't take any of them.
Whether you promised or not, God said that having sex with someone you are not married to is a sin (I Corinthians 6:9-11). Therefore, you need to be sensible. You may see a woman only in places where there are other people around. No touching private areas of the body (I Corinthians 7:1) and your clothes stay on you.
"Therefore hear me now, my children, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Remove your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, Lest you give your honor to others, and your years to the cruel one; lest aliens be filled with your wealth, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner; and you mourn at last, when your flesh and your body are consumed, and say: "How I have hated instruction, and my heart despised correction!"" (Proverbs 5:7-12).
Response:
Thank you, sir, for the counseling. I am really grateful. I pray that God helps me in this plan for resisting women. Thanks for the site also, I pray that the Almighty Father shall grant unto you all that is needed to keep on shaping the lives of Christians.
God bless you.
Question:
What I feared as a result of my act has happened. The girl called me yesterday and told me she had missed her menses. I am confused right now. She is still a student in her first year of high school. She said her father will kill her should he find out that she is pregnant. I fear for her future too, in terms of her education. I don't know if by aborting I would be causing more sin in the sight of God. I am getting more scared about God's anger. Please, what should I do?
Answer:
With actions come responsibility. You conceived a child because you decided to put your penis where it didn't belong. Killing your child doesn't remove your sins; it only adds more sin in regards to the situation.
I don't know all the motivations behind this girl's actions. I would like to believe this was all unintentional, but there are aspects of the story that can indicate a setup for extortion. I'm assuming you did not know this girl well beforehand.
Clearly, her father should be upset regarding what she had done. I looked up the laws for your country. If this girl is under 16, then you can be charged with statutory rape regardless of whether a child was conceived or not. By law, a girl under the age of 16 cannot give consent to an act of sex, so it is automatically treated as rape. If this girl's father decides to bring charges against you, there isn't much you can do but accept it as the consequence of dropping your pants.
If she is over 16, she is still too young to be considering marriage. First, she needs to confirm that she really is pregnant and not that she just happened to skip her period this month. If she is, she should get in contact with an adoption agency and plan to have the child adopted to a loving couple when the child is born. As the father, you should accept the financial responsibility for her medical care. Have the bills sent to you. Don't pay her to pay the bills.
Under no circumstance do you send money for an abortion. You don't fix a wrong with another wrong. "And why not say, "Let us do evil that good may come"? -- as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8). What I'm concerned is that since she doesn't live nearby that this might be a scheme to empty your wallet. She can claim that she is underaged, but how do you know? She can claim that she is pregnant, but how do you know? I can see someone like her claiming to need money for an abortion, but if she was never pregnant in the first place, she can just pocket the money and you would never know. I hate being so cynical, but there is a lot of evil in this world.
About the only bargaining chip you have is to say that you will accept financial responsibility for your child if the child is put up for adoption, but if legal action is brought against you, then you will only pay what the courts demand you pay. In other words, let her father and her understand that they stand to lose if you are brought to court.
Question:
I have never felt relieved until now, ever since she called yesterday night. I didn't even know how I slept. I thank God that He has given to you such wisdom. I pray to be like you one day. Thanks again for the advice. I am very much grateful. I never knew of Romans 3:8. I am going to do as God commanded. She is 19 years now. Sorry for not mentioning that earlier. Thank you, sir, for enlightening me on the commands of God. I am ready to accept my responsibilities, if necessary. I don't care what the world does.
Answer:
At 19 that opens another option, but one that you need to think long and hard about. I don't recommend marrying someone just because they sinned together, but you might want to consider the possibility as a way to straighten out the mess that you started. If you do consider it, do not be rushed about it. You still need to give serious consideration as to whether this woman is the person you want to be your lifetime companion.
If she decides to keep the child, then you remain responsible for helping raise the child, which means your life from here on out will be completely altered.
Response:
Thank you very much, sir.
Really she is not the type of woman that I can spend my life with because, she doesn't like attending church service, and she lies a lot.
I called her yesterday evening and told her I would like her to keep the child, and after she has given birth we can test the child's DNA to see if it's really my child. If the results are positive, I will take full responsibility for the child. I also made it clear to her yesterday that I cannot marry her. She told me she can't keep the pregnancy, so she will come to me so that we will abort it. I then told her, I am not ready to kill any of my children. She was crying and then she ended the call.
