How Do I Make Someone Change

by Wilson Adams

“How do I make someone change?”

You won’t like the answer. Are you ready? You can’t. People change only when they’re ready to. All the pushing, prodding, needling, and nagging will not bring change. Why? It’s a fundamental law of human nature—you push, and they push back. All this pushing creates gridlock that escalates the situation. Hello, standoff.

It doesn’t matter if you’re right. You pressure them, and they dig in their heels. Outside pressure = inside resistance.

You want them to change, get healthier, move out, go to therapy, be more financially responsible, get a better job, become followers of Jesus, etc. You want what’s best for them because you love them, but pushing and prodding only creates more frustration and relationship tension.

Here’s the deal: motivation for change must come from within. Also known as the prodigal son. “But when he came to himself…” (Luke 15:17). There it is.

Can you set a good example? Yes. Can you love them with kindness? Yes. Can you lift them up before the Throne and pray their hearts become open to change? Yes. (By the way, don’t tell them -that only increases resistance). While you can’t pressure them to change, you can influence them.

Unlock the power of influence. And then… “wait for the Lord” (Psalms 27:14). God does amazing things, but sometimes we must get out of the way.