How do I honor my dad when he won’t talk to me?
Question:
My dad and I were always close when I was little. I was a daddy's girl even though he lived in another state. I lived with my mom and only saw him during the summer. We drifted apart when he got married, and I stopped visiting him when I was 16. But we did stay in contact.
As I got older my dad did not like that I was dating guys who were Hispanic. He thought a white girl like me should date white boys. I stopped telling him about who I was dating because I didn't want to hear his negativity. Two years ago I met my now-husband and began dating. I told my dad about him and again he got mad. A month later I spoke with him. I was excited that my boyfriend was taking me to church and I was learning so much. I was raised Catholic and didn't get much Bible study. My dad got angry again because I was not going to a Catholic church. He told me that my boyfriend was going to cheat on me and treat me badly because of his race. That really upset me because my boyfriend is a wonderful man, has Jesus in his heart, and would never do that.
I wrote my dad a letter since I get upset easily I wanted to be able to get everything out that I wanted to say. I told him about the wonderful Christian church I was attending and the wonderful man I was dating. I also brought up that my dad had an affair and left my mom with no money with several kids. That upset my dad a lot, but I had to say it because he was calling my boyfriend a bad guy. He had never met him and my dad had not always acted great.
I didn't talk to him for about half a year when my then-boyfriend and I started talking about marriage. My boyfriend said we should get my dad's blessing. I sent my dad a card telling him I missed him and telling him we were talking about the marriage. He finally answered my call and told me he would have nothing to do with my husband or my children because they were not white. The call ended with him hanging up on me.
My boyfriend and I got engaged and planned for a wedding. I sent my dad another card for his birthday. My dad did call me. I told him of the wedding, and I really wanted him to walk me down the aisle. My dad said he would. We started talking again, but as the wedding got closer I kept bugging him about if he was coming to the wedding. He would always say he didn't know. He was getting a new job and said that he didn't think he could come because of the new job. Two weeks before the wedding he stopped talking to me.
We had a wonderful wedding my mom walked me down the aisle. I tried calling my dad and he won't answer the phone or return my calls. I just recently sent him a card. I sent some pictures of the wedding. I told him I wanted him to see how happy we are. He still won't talk to me. I don't know what to do. I want him to know I love him and want him in mine and my husband's life and our future children's life. The Bible says to honor your parents, but it seems he doesn't want to talk to me.
Should I keep trying? Should I stop and just pray for him? Please help.
Answer:
You are constantly trying to make your dad into someone he is not. Honoring a person doesn't mean you have to drag him into every aspect of your life. You talk about him respectfully but don't pretend that he is something he isn't. He just isn't a nice man.
He won't be a part of your family by his choice. You invited him. He refused, but you left the door open if he ever changes his mind. Send him photos once in a while and nice cards on special occasions. These are things that don't demand him to respond back if he doesn't want them.
Meanwhile, you have a new family to establish and you can't do that by pinning for the past and all its sadness. "Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14).
