How do I handle being engaged to a member of a denomination?
Question:
Hello,
I need your advice on my personal life. I am a born-again, baptized Christian. But I backslid for about two years. In those years, I got engaged to an unbeliever. Now I'm trying to return to Christ, and I'm not sure what to do.
She is from an Orthodox background. She is willing to read the Bible with me, attend church, etc., but she is not born again.
Any advice?
Thanks a lot in advance.
Answer:
There isn't an absolute answer to your question. There are several things to consider.
Being married to someone who is not fully following Christ is not wrong. However, it can lead to difficulties, and these things need to be discussed. Your behavior and faithfulness to Christ will be a strong deciding factor. "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior" (I Peter 3:1-2). Peter is speaking to wives, but the principles could also be applied to men. Your spouse will see you at your best and your worst. Will she see a struggling Christian who is trying to do his best, or will she see a hypocrite?
A more difficult question to assess is whether she attends with you now just to impress you, or whether she is interested in the true teachings of Christ. Is she the type to tell you what you want to hear, or does she admit when she sees things differently? Is she willing to discuss your differing religious views? In other words, is she content that you hold a stricter view of what Christianity is all about? "But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away" (I Corinthians 7:12-13). Does she try to move you away from attending services? Does she push you to do things that are against your beliefs, such as fornication (I Corinthians 15:33)? In other words, will she be a helper or a hindrance in your religious life?
Another question to discuss is how your children will be raised. Will she insist that they be baptized and attend her church? Parents who contradict each other regarding religious teachings are more likely to raise atheists than followers of either of their religions.
Ideally, as she sees your commitment to Christ, she will be motivated to join you. However, that might take a while, and often, it never happens. Are you prepared and willing to deal with the hardships that will arise from not seeing the world the same way?
Question:
Hello Mr. Hamilton,
Thank you for your response. The thing is, she is Orthodox but also believes in reincarnation. And we are involved in quite a lot of premarital sex until I tried to come back to Christ. I'm not sure if she can be considered a Christian. She enjoys reading the Bible with me and attending church. She says that gives her 'good vibes'. But I don't know if her interest extends beyond that.
If I had not put a ring on that finger, I would probably have broken up and returned to Christ. However, having put a ring on that finger, I am unsure whether I should, which is why I emailed you.
Answer:
Thus, you need to have the hard conversations about whether your marriage could actually work. Share your concerns with her, including the fact that she holds beliefs that differ from those taught in the Bible.
Given what you've said, I would not marry her unless she, of her own free will, chose to become a Christian. If you don't think that will happen, then you need to consider the questions I mentioned in my first response and decide what will best help you and your future children reach heaven.
An engagement is not a marriage. It is a commitment to get married, but the idea of an engagement is that it can be ended if the couple concludes that it won't work. This is why Joseph considered ending his engagement to Mary when he discovered she was pregnant (Matthew 1:19). Under normal circumstances, he would have been well within his rights. If you decide that a marriage to this woman would not be beneficial to your faith, then it isn't wrong to end the engagement. Just understand that this will also have its challenges.
Response:
Alright. Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions, Mr. Hamilton.
Question:
Hello Mr. Hamilton,
I have ended it. I feel guilty for breaking her heart and wasting two years of her time. I started the relationship with her when I was backslidden. I'm not sure what to do now. What should I do to follow Christ again fully?
Any advice is appreciated.
Answer:
I don't know much about your background, but true faith begins with a thorough understanding of what you believe in. "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ" (Romans 10:17). Faith isn't real until it is put fully into practice. "For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead" (James 2:26).
