How do I get over this woman?
Question:
I need some guidance. I was going to church and celebrating recovery, also serving at church, but I never felt connected to people or God. I felt like a loner like every other time I attempted to go to church.
I started talking to this girl, my mom's co-worker, whom I’ve always thought was pretty. Anyway, I knew she wasn’t with her ex-husband anymore. I started talking to her. From the very first conversation, she insinuated sex. But I overlooked it because I wanted someone so bad. She told me she also had a rebound relationship after her ex left her. That didn’t work out. When we started dating, she admitted three weeks into our talking that she didn’t end things. The guy was her kids' soccer coach. The guy started creating drama. I expressed discomfort over and over. Nothing changed, and she told me to get over it. She hid me from her most important people. Also, I have to sneak around from her ex and kids. He still tries to get her back and sends gifts through the kids.
I’m not sure what to do or how to let go.
People tell me God has better and that it’s not healthy for me, but it’s hard to accept it. She even gave me an STD and denied it could be her.
Answer:
I can point out what you need to do, but I'm left with the impression that you are focused on yourself. You aren't likely to enjoy what I must say.
I don't know what kind of church you are trying to join, but a church is a place where people dedicated to God gather to encourage each other and worship together. It sounds like you attend, but you don't participate. If you hold people off at arm's length because you don't trust them, people will respect your unspoken request for privacy. You can't make friends without being friendly. "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24).
You met a woman whom you quickly knew wanted to violate God's laws regarding sex outside of marriage (I Corinthians 6:9-10). She was pretty, and you were more interested in your desires than in following God. I'm guessing that you want the attention she gives you most. Sex is the price that you happily pay for it. You also soon found out that she was sleeping with other men, and you got an STD from her. Yet, none of this deters you. She knows she is sinning because she insists on hiding her relationship with you.
The answer is to dump this sinful woman and give up your sins. It is the only way you'll find happiness and heaven.
Question:
Thank you for your response.
Yes, I have been in this cycle of getting into bad relationships. So I’m not with this woman anymore. You are right; it didn’t deter me. I had put my whole identity in this person. But I’m ready to give myself to God fully. It hasn’t been easy letting go. It was very painful. I have been reaching out for help at my church. I’m joining men’s groups. If you have any advice on cultivating a genuine relationship with Jesus, I would truly appreciate it.
Answer:
Paul described his relationship with Christ in this manner, "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me" (Galatians 2:20). God wants our whole being. "And He said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment" (Matthew 22:37-38).
To put the Lord first, we have to know what Christ requires. This means I have to learn the Bible through reading and studying. "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ" (Romans 10:17). What I learn, I must apply to my life. After all, how can I truly claim that Jesus is the Lord if I ignore him? "Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? Everyone who comes to Me and hears My words and acts on them, I will show you whom he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation on the rock; and when a flood occurred, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who has heard and has not acted accordingly, is like a man who built a house on the ground without any foundation; and the torrent burst against it and immediately it collapsed, and the ruin of that house was great" (Luke 6:46-49).
In this way, you have started communicating with the Lord. You are listening to what he says. And now you to talk to him about what is own your mind. That is what prayer is about. See Communication Between God and Man.
