I am a middle-aged woman in a relationship with a middle-aged man for about a year. We have talked of marriage, but I am not sure if this man is the one that God wants me to marry. I am a born again Christian. I've been praying to God to give me a sign for assurance that he is the one or not, but I don't know how God responds. My boyfriend is a believer, but he is not yet saved. He talks about the Lord, but he hasn't submitted his life to God. I wish he could be saved. I pray for him all the time. Is this man God's choice or not?
Another thing: We have been having sex from the start of our relationship, but recently I decided we should stop since it is not right in the eyes of the Lord. This decision seems to be tough, but my boyfriend has accepted that we can stop. But how can we be strong with this decision? I want to follow the Lord righteously. I love my boyfriend so much, and I don't want to break up. Is there a way to make things right and be committed Christians?
Your advice will be of great help.
You act as if God hasn't told you what to do. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Despite knowing that sex outside of marriage is sinful, you did it anyway. Meanwhile, you demand some sign from God about whether you should marry this man or not. Thus, you are indirectly blaming God for why you continue to sin.
The problem is that God does teach everyone through His Word how to live morally. He gives instructions on how to select a mate. Yet, you, like so many others, don't believe it is good enough that "His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue" (II Peter 1:3).
It reminds me of the Jews' demands of Jesus. Immediately after doing miracles, they asked for a sign to prove the miracle was from God. What else is a miracle? "Then some of the scribes and Pharisees answered, saying, "Teacher, we want to see a sign from You." But He answered and said to them, "An evil and adulterous generation seeks after a sign, and no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah" (Matthew 12:38-39).
In the same way, you want God to tell you again what He has already said. "You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God" (James 4:3-4).
A sign is a type of miracle. God doesn't use miracles to tell people how to make typical life decisions. See: Does God send us signs? Instead, God teaches you how to make decisions and expects you to make good decisions by following His teachings.
You state that you don't want to lose this man. Then the answer is very simple -- marry him. But this idea that you can sin and claim to be following Christ is degrading the very name of Christ. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Is it a wonder that your boyfriend hasn't submitted to Christ when you have not yourself?