How can I stop being so judgmental against my sisters who had abortions?
Question:
I have been judgmental toward my sisters who have had abortions. I know it is wrong, but these horrible thoughts come into my head and when I am around them I get a very evil look on my face (opposite of smiling) and look stern and hateful. My sister was down from Boston about a month ago and we went out to dinner and I know I was not loving. I feel so terrible. I haven't heard from her since. I feel I really hurt her and that she knows I was judging her. Could you please give me advice as to how I can mend my relationship with her?
Answer:
So many people misapply Jesus' statement: "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you" (Matthew 7:1-2). Judgment is not directly wrong. We have to make decisions (judgments) throughout our lives. But a Christian must make sure that his judgments are righteous. "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment" (John 7:24).
What you haven't said is whether your sisters have repented of their decisions to kill their own children. If they have, then you are holding against them what God has forgiven. "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15). But if they feel that they have done nothing wrong, then you are sending them mixed signals. You are willing to meet with them, to socialize with them, but you want to condemn them at the same time. If you are uncomfortable sitting down to a meal with an unrepentant murderer, then you ought not to do it. "But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to eat with such a person" (I Corinthians 5:11).
If they ask why you don't do things with them anymore. Simply and politely tell them that remembering that they aren't bothered by the death of their own children takes all the joy out of seeing them. If they tell you they repented of that sin, then accept them back into your life and put their sins behind you. "Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins" (James 5:19-20). The goal should always be to rescue the sinner. The children are with the Father, what is needed is for their mothers to join them.
