Helping Christians Addicted to Pornography

by Steve and Bette Wolfgang
via "The Inspiration and Authority of the Bible: Truth Lectures for 2005," Truth Publications, 2005, pp. 84-126; quotation from pp. 116-117.

Bette and I have been speaking and writing for decades about the dangers of pornography, beginning at a time when it seemed that virtually no one else in the “conservative brotherhood” was speaking about it. It has been gratifying to see others speak out about it and join the conversation. Some in this audience may be aware that Bette is a board-certified psychologist with 30 years of clinical experience in both hospital and private mental health settings. In her practice, she confronted and counseled many women and men, a significant number of them Christians, whose marriages were plagued by the use of pornography. As a preacher, I have learned to my dismay how deeply this type of sin has infected the lives of many of my fellow brothers, including some fellow preachers.

Here's a sample that has been in print since 2005. After discussing the Biblical condemnations of pornography and other forms of πορνεία, we addressed the leap some are now making to equate porn use with actual adultery:

“Some Christians have wondered whether having a “virtual” or “emotional” relationship or “affair” online is tantamount to adultery, particularly when there is explicit real-time talk which may include mutual masturbation. Indisputably, the emotional damage inflicted by such infidelity on one’s spouse and one’s marriage cannot be exaggerated, and the treachery is unspeakably devastating to the uninvolved spouse. Indeed, we emphasize unequivocally that the duplicity of online intimacies in “chat rooms” and the repeated viewing of pornography, by Christian men especially, constitutes a perfidy particularly painful to their wives. It feels to them as if their husbands have been disloyal to them, and recanted their wedding vows to love, respect, honor, and cherish. Such disloyalty of the heart and mind can strain a marriage to the breaking point just as painfully as actually committing the act.

“Indeed, the overwhelming sense of betrayal reported by Christian women whose husbands devote themselves to the pursuit of pornography is not unlike that experienced in the trauma of adultery itself. Additionally, there is the specter of unrealistic expectations (about air-brushed beauty, perfect proportions, sexual insatiability, repeated orgasmic performance, and other obscene myths) on the part of pornography consumers — to say nothing of the time, money, attention, and emotional energy squandered in pornographic obsession rather than invested in the marriage relationship. Still, it is as difficult to conclude that this behavior is actually adultery as it is to believe that hating one’s brother is literally murder (see Matthew 5:21- 22, 27-28; I John 3:15; cf. v. 12 describing a literal case of murder; and other texts).”

However, we would be dismayed if some wayward Christian took our words as a sort of permission to continue pornographic “affairs of the heart,” reasoning that “my wife cannot divorce me scripturally since I am only having a ‘virtual’ affair, and not really committing adultery.” This perversion is the course of the moral coward who stops short of the actual deed, fearful that his mate would divorce him and leave him with no right of scriptural remarriage. While we are not judges, we warn as frankly as possible all with such a craven mentality: you will answer to a higher authority, and all such reasoning to rationalize your sinful behaviors, if uncorrected, places you in danger of hell itself. One of the most seductive aspects of Internet pornography, literally, is the frequent opportunity that arises for cyberspace “chat.” Indeed, visiting electronic “chat-rooms” may be even more dangerous for some Christians than viewing pornographic images, since such interpersonal chat may lead to actually meeting another person in real time and space, as opposed to cyberspace. Such relationships have been known to degenerate to the point of actual adultery.