Question:

Hello,

My girlfriend and I, are both Christians. and we consider our relationship to be serious because our ultimate goal is to get married. We have been in the relationship for over 2 years, and everything was great as a Christian couple, but a few months ago we started indulging phone sex/sexting. We understand and know that it is sinful, and it is something that we have repented of and have made it right with God.

My questions are:

  1. Despite putting boundaries, how can we ensure that we do not fall into this sin when we are tempted?
  2. Does this mean that we need to break up, or we can be able to continue our relationship in a godly manner?
  3. Does it mean that we cannot get married?

Answer:

I frequently hear from people who have sinned who seem to believe that they must punish themselves in some manner before they feel that they are truly forgiven. The core problem is that because they were involved in the sin, they are biased in regards to what needs to be done to rectify the situation and often are too harsh on themselves.

What you and your girlfriend did was wrong. It violates what Paul stated,

"But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them" (Ephesians 5:3-7).

You repented of your sins, which means you realize it was wrong, you have stopped committing the sin, and you are determined not to allow the sin to happen again. You've also asked God for the forgiveness of your sins. This is what God asked you to do. You don't need to add to His Word. There is no requirement that couples who have sinned must break up or not marry.

For now, sexual topics are off-limit because they will lead both of you into lust and immoral behavior. You are going to be tempted, but the simple answer to the temptation is "No. We aren't married yet."

If you find that the person you are dating is ignoring the boundaries and continually pushing the relationship into sin, then you need to stop and evaluate whether the person is someone you want to marry. Such a person is demonstrating a serious character flaw that will likely make your life miserable.

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