Do I not have enough faith?
Question:
Hello Mr. Hamilton,
I have a question in one of your articles titled: Does true faith mean the command to be baptized does not save a person? You said that: "A person who does not obey demonstrates by his actions that he doesn't really believe." I have OCD, and I end up doubting Jesus and the resurrection and doubting the Bible. Because of my doubts, I have put off getting baptized. Does that mean I don't really believe? If it does, how do I truly believe? You have previously told me that I wasn't an atheist or agnostic, and that truly meant a lot to me. I struggle because I feel like a fraud if I get baptized, like I'm just getting wet or going through the motions. I recently saw a video of people lining up to get baptized after Hurricane Helene, and whenever I see something like this, it makes me go when is that going to be me? Am I ready? Do I believe in the resurrection? But just like that article you sent me: "Does faith mean you never doubt?" the girl stated that she wouldn't be questioning it if she didn't care.
Do I do it knowing that I may always struggle with doubt?
It makes me feel so alone, and sometimes scared because I think what would happen to me when I die? My parents tell me they know I believe, but it's hard when you question that about yourself. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. As much as I try, I never seem to get there. Is my brain broken?
Answer:
Like other people with OCD, you are risk-averse. You want absolute certainty. However, life requires that you take reasonable risks. See Reasonable Risks for details. Are you ever going to be so positive about Jesus, the resurrection, or the Bible that you will never have any questions or doubts? That is unlikely. However, do you know of a better way to live your life?
The person in "Does true faith mean the command to be baptized does not save a person?" wanted to argue that faith allowed him to ignore what God said. I demonstrated that faith drives people to do what God said. Ignoring what God said shows a lack of trust in God.
"By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, 'I have come to know Him,' and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked" (I John 2:3-6).
Faith isn't a feeling; it is a decision. Do you trust God with your life? Sure, there will be times when you are uncertain, or the choices feel difficult. But faith is the decision to do things God's way, knowing that things will come out best in the long run. Yes, because of your OCD, you may be frequently plagued by doubts, but despite those moments, you can still decide to allow God to guide your life.
If you are scared how your life will end up without God, that means you do have faith in the warnings of God. Trust the rest of what God said and obey Him.