Do I have to marry the man I committed fornication with?
Question:
Hi.
I am a born-again Christian woman. I have committed fornication with a younger man who is still in college and who is also a Christian. I have realized that it is wrong and repented since then, and I have not had any further sexual relationships with him. I have also avoided communicating with him since then. However, after four months, I found out that I was pregnant.
He wanted to marry me, but I refused. He is still an immature Christian and still cannot provide for us. I also don't have feelings for him at all. I think he does not understand that marriage is more than words spoken in a ceremony. It also requires responsibility and commitment. I don't see it in him; in fact, he is still irresponsible and lacks any sense of accountability. He did not even give me any support throughout my pregnancy. I was the only one providing and taking care of my needs.
The church wanted me to get married despite all of this, but I didn't want to. It does not give me peace to think I'll be entering a marriage to which I am not willing. What should I do? They said that love is not a requirement for marriage and that I should pay for my mistakes through this marriage, but I don't agree.
Please enlighten me.
Answer:
I frequently notice that people try to soften the blow of their sins by proclaiming that those involved are Christians; however, to me, this makes the situation worse. You committed fornication, but you also are dragging the reputation of the Lord through the mud by declaring that the two of you believe you are followers of Christ.
"For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries. Anyone who has set aside the Law of Moses dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay.' And again, 'The Lord will judge His people.' It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God" (Hebrews 10:26-31).
Notice also that while you were happy to have intercourse with this man, you state that you do not love him and that he is unsuitable as a husband. That leaves the conclusion that you were committing fornication for no other reason than pleasure. It doesn't reflect well on your judgment.
God allows people to marry whom they wish. In the Old Law, people who committed fornication were required to get married unless the woman's father said, "no." However, we don't live under that law.
Sins have consequences. Your choices mean that you will be raising your child on your own. It means your child will grow up without a father. Life will be harder for both of you. I hope that you learn that sin is not something to play around with. Be faithful to God for the rest of your life.
