Could God have sent me the man I rejected?



Years ago when I was nearing 20, I dated a man who was several years older than me. I was barely out of high school. I had no idea what I wanted for a job or even what I wanted out of life. That man had a career and had started the process of buying a home for us to live in. I got scared and ended the relationship. I moved away to attend college. Since then he has yet to marry. I since married an abusive man, and I am currently in the process of getting a divorce. I recently started attending church again regularly like I did while I was dating the man in question.

Was the man I dated years ago the one God sent me to marry?

Thank you for your time,


God gives people opportunities to make choices. He teaches us how to make good choices in our lives. However, He doesn't make the choices. You are given the free-will to make your own choices -- good or bad.

The choice that we make for a husband or wife is meant to be permanent. "And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:4-6). The only allowance for ending a marriage that permits marrying again is if the divorce is because the spouse is committing fornication (Matthew 19:9). If that is not a reason behind the divorce, then the couple is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to each other. "But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11).

You are leaving your husband because he is abusive. You would rather be unmarried than live with him. However, this does not give you the right to pursue another marriage.

Wondering about how a past choice would have turned out if you had chosen differently is not productive.

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