Am I married?
Question:
Hello,
This is my first time asking anyone this question, but it is really heavy on my mind, and with a lot of mixed feelings about it. I just came across this site, so why not.
Two years ago, I met my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I was at the lowest point in my life and I would say almost lost my soul. But my Lord pulled me out. I started going to church seeking more of his peace because that was literally the first time I'd ever felt peace my whole life.
During the time of my becoming holy, an ex of mine came back into my life after we had separated during the summer when I almost lost myself. I deeply loved this man. We spoke of getting married a lot one day, and how he has always loved me since he first met me.
Anyway, we went to church one night. The bishop started renewing vows and as he finished he asked would anyone else like to renew or get married. As soon as he asked, my ex looked me in the eyes and I could feel the fire of love in my soul that I have never felt from another man, and he was feeling the same. So we went up and said our vows before God kissed, and we were spiritually married. The bishop said to go get our marriage license the next day and he would sign it. (By the way, we were not living in fornication before our vows.) That night I tried to have sex with him, but he wanted to wait to have sex until we were actually legally married. But since we were spiritually married, I thought it wasn't sinning, and we did have sex.
But then the devil stepped in. About a week later he had a dream of God telling him not to hurt me because I've been hurt enough in my past. We started going out because I wanted to celebrate with him, or maybe this was the only way I knew how to have fun at this time. But my old self from drinking and partying days started coming back. Though I would not have cheated on him, drinking and partying was the main reason for our arguments, along with my having two children. It was hard on him. I finally realized I should have submitted and listened to him instead of doing as I pleased, and now I know I messed up.
He is now living with another woman out of wedlock and just had a child. After we separated I believe God told me we both had a lot of growing and learning to do and that one day he would come back to me. I don't want another man, but I want a husband. After all the sinning I just found my way back to Christ again this year. I know I messed up. I just need some kind of answer. I'm scared no one will love me, or I love him as I did him. Do you think the signs and the message God told me will happen? I hope so.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any answer you feel God would want me to know, please let me know. God Bless you and your family.
Answer:
The difficulty I have is that you are assuming something that is not true. You are taking your wants and desires and attributing them to God.
Even in the days when God chose to do miracles, they did not come often. We often forget that the Bible covers a span of about 4,000 years. It is easy to get the impression that miracles were common, but they were not, which is why they stood out. One list shows only 125 miracles. The writer of Hebrews mentioned that God once used various methods to communicate with mankind, but no longer. "God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets, has in these last days spoken to us by His Son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds" (Hebrews 1:1-2). Paul plainly stated that miracles would end. "Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away" (I Corinthians 13:8-10). The perfect refers to the perfect law of liberty, the New Testament (James 1:25), which was completed before the close of the first century. "Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints" (Jude 3).
Even though I don't accept your claims of direct guidance by God in these matters, you want to know about your situation. From your description, it sounds like you two were married, though it sounds as if you did not record your marriage with the government as you should have. Your husband is currently living in adultery. Whether you also committed adultery during your partying is something you did not mention.
You are in an odd situation since it would be difficult to divorce a man when you have not even recorded your marriage. I'm afraid I don't have an answer to that. For that matter, you mentioned having children from prior relations and I don't know if that involved marriages or not. I really can't tell you what the correct answer is. But consider that Jesus said that sometimes the best answer, when our marital lives are in ruins, is to choose celibacy to make sure we can reach heaven. "For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it" (Matthew 19:12).
