If I Deserve Death
by Edwin Crozier
Paul concluded his defense before Felix in Acts 24. Felix did nothing. He didn’t send him back to Jerusalem, where he no doubt would have been executed, but he didn’t release him either. He just kept Paul in prison. He enjoyed speaking with Paul (reminiscent of Herod and John), but didn’t want to upset the Jews. Plus, he was hoping Paul would offer him a bribe. That didn’t happen. Two years passed, and Porcius Festus replaced Felix. The Jews, continuing to be frustrated that Paul was still alive, made another run at getting him delivered to them in Jerusalem.
Festus didn’t care one whit about Paul or justice. He wanted to do the Jews a favor. He asked Paul, “Do you wish to go up to Jerusalem and there be tried on these charges before me?” This consideration was probably offered because Festus had been made aware that Paul was a Roman citizen. No doubt, Paul understood such a trip was a definite death sentence. He wasn’t afraid to die for Christ. He had said as much in Acts 21. But that didn’t mean he had to walk right into it. He responded, “I am standing before Caesar’s tribunal, where I ought to be tried. To the Jews I have done no wrong, as you yourself know very well. If then I am a wrongdoer and have committed anything for which I deserve to die, I do not seek to escape death. But if there is nothing to their charges against me, no one can give me up to them. I appeal to Caesar” (Acts 25:10-11 ESV).
I believe Paul demonstrated something important about repentance in this statement. He claimed that if he had done anything worthy of death, he did not seek to escape death. In other words, he didn’t think that because he was a Christian, forgiven by God through the blood of Jesus Christ, he had a free pass on crime and sin. Even as a disciple of Christ and forgiven by God, he believed that if he had done something worthy of consequences, even civil punishment, he would not seek to escape the punishment. He would endure it. Even if it was death.
Many people treat forgiveness as if it means escaping all consequences. It doesn’t mean that. It means reconciliation with God and escape from His wrath and judgment. But if our sin has also been a crime, then the civil government still can and should administer its punishments and consequences. Further, if we are truly penitent, we won’t seek to get out of them. We will humbly endure them.
I think about Job 31 and also Psalm 7:3-4. In both places, men of God recognized that if they had committed certain sins, they would deserve certain consequences. They were willing to submit to them. Obviously, if those in power who administer the consequences grant clemency, what a blessing. And surely, we can appeal to the courts for such mercy and accept it if offered. But even so, godly sorrow leads to godly repentance and understanding that we may face consequences. We can face those earthly consequences knowing our eternal destiny is secure in Christ.
