Husbands Are to Rule Well

by Bill Walton
via Biblical Insights, Vol. 14 No. 8, August 2014

In Ephesians 5:22-24, Paul says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church...Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” And, in I Timothy 3:4-5, he says that a Christian man who desires to be an elder in the church must be “one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence - for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?”

So, yes, the Bible teaches that God has given husbands authority over their wives. Husbands have the headship - the right and responsibility to rule. But the Bible also teaches that husbands are to exercise the authority God has given them in kindness, consideration, fairness, and love.

It is not enough just to establish that the husband is to have authority over his wife, and that parents are to have authority over their children. It is equally important to establish how that authority should be used.

The Bible does not just say to the husband, “Rule.” It says, “Rule well” (I Timothy 3:4-5). Unfortunately, some men know they are to rule in the home, but they do not know how to “rule well.” And abusing God-given authority is as sinful as abdicating God-given authority.

In I Peter 3:7, Peter says, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” Is the husband to exercise authority over
his wife? Yes, and he is to exercise his authority in a way that shows he understands his wife - her needs, her wants, her role and responsibilities, her talents and abilities, and how she differs from him both physically and emotionally. And he is to exercise his authority in a way that shows he truly honors her, respects her, and values her (Proverbs 31:10, 28-31).

In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul speaks at length about husbands and wives, and about authority in the home. And, yes, he teaches that husbands have authority over their wives. But he also teaches that husbands are to love their wives “just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). Therefore, authority in the home must be exercised in a way that shows love. In Ephesians 5:28-29, Paul reminds us that the authority of the husband is to be exercised with a love that causes his wife to feel nourished and cherished - not bullied and stifled.

In Ephesians 5:33, Paul concludes, “Let each one of you ... love his own wife as himself.” This suggests a Golden Rule for authority: Rule over your wife as you would want her to rule over you if God had given her the headship in the home.

Since authority is to be exercised with love for those who are under that authority, we need to apply Paul’s teaching on love in I Corinthians 13 to this matter of how authority ought
to be exercised. In I Corinthians 13:4, he says, “Love is kind.” So the husband is to exercise authority with kindness and gentleness.

Again, in I Corinthians 13:4, he says, “Love does not parade itself.” So authority is to be exercised with humility - not with arrogance and pride.

And, in I Corinthians 13:5, he says, “Love does not seek its own.” So authority is to be exercised with a self-sacrificing love - not selfishly and inconsiderately of the other family members.

The Bible clearly teaches that God has given husbands authority over their wives, but it also teaches how to exercise that authority.

And think about this: When Paul wrote to Philemon on behalf of Onesimus, he showed that the best use of authority is sometimes not using it. Listen to Paul in verses 8 and 9 of his letter to Philemon: “Therefore, though I might be very bold in Christ to command you what is fitting, yet for love’s sake I rather appeal to you...” (emphasis mine - bw).

Men, use your authority as a husband and father the way Paul used his authority as an apostle, and you may be surprised by how much your home life improves.