Is it impossible for me to come back?
Question:
Dear Sir,
I will try to make this short and get to the point. My wife and I were baptized in a church of Christ many years ago. We were excited about our salvation and faithfully attended church, strived to be obedient, and did our best to walk in the light. We were in our twenties then.
Over a year later, my wife decided she no longer wanted to go to church. I was devastated. Shortly afterward, I made the foolish decision to follow her to save our marriage. It was the worst decision of my life. I want to make clear that I am not blaming her. I take responsibility for my own decision.
She eventually divorced me, and I fell into grievous sin -- very shameful, grievous sins: the party scene, drugs, alcohol, fornication, etc. I stayed that way all these years and wasted my life. I have no excuse; I knew I was doing wrong and my conscience never stopped bothering me about it. I knew deep in my heart that I needed Christ. I remember something my pastor said to me back then: "The further down the river of sin you go, the harder it is to paddle back." I am in my sixties now, and he was right because I tried to come back several times and failed miserably. Now, after all these years, I am deeply ashamed; I have extreme godly sorrow and fear of judgment.
Many scriptures scare me and make me feel as though there is no hope for me at all—scriptures such as Proverbs 29:1; Hebrews 6:4-6; II Peter 2:20-22; Hebrews 10:26-29, and others like them.
Is it absolutely hopeless for me? Do you think that God would want a terrible scumbag like me back? Or do you think there is hope? Please, I desperately need your help.
Thank you.
Answer:
God can forgive any sin, but some sinners won't let go of theirs. As a result, God does not forgive them because He doesn't accept sin. "I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish" (Luke 13:3). See "Are You Unforgivable?"
You may have sorrow, but it hasn't motivated you to change. "For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:11). It isn't always easy to change, but you can change if you put the effort into it.
If you decide you are hopeless, you'll prove yourself right. It won't be because God doesn't want you, but because you avoided the effort.
