Getting Along with Parents

by David Trigg

As a young person, I hate hearing generalizations like ‘The younger generation is going to the dogs.’ First, it is an overgeneralization, because not all young people are ‘going to the dogs.’ Second, some say this because their parents have failed. Another generalization could be made: ‘If it is true that young people no longer respect their elders as they once did, perhaps it is because they no longer have as much to respect.’ Another misconception is that such problems are something new. Such statements, however, are as old as Plato and as overworked as farmer Brown’s plow mule.

I am only 21 and not particularly qualified on how to raise children. I could not write a fine article such as bro. W. R. Jones did, in which he gave ‘The Ten Commandments for Parents’ in Searching the Scriptures magazine some time ago. However, for what it is worth, I would like to suggest ‘The Ten Commandments for Children.’ Although not all of the suggestions have scripture citations, all are based on biblical concepts.

1. You shall remember your Creator and respect the Bible as the final authority.  The wisdom writer wrote, "Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth" (Ecclesiastes 12:1). We must, as young people, recognize the Bible as God’s will for man and our complete authority (II Timothy 3:16-17). Our actions and thoughts must be based on the Word of God.
2. You shall remember the wisdom of age.  "A wise son heareth his father’s instructions; but a scoffer heareth not rebuke" (Proverbs 13:1). Mark Twain once said that when he was 16, his father was a fool. By the time he was 21, he was amazed at how much his father had learned in five years. I myself have discovered that my father was not so wrong as I once thought. In fact, sometimes he was absolutely right.
3. You shall be an example even unto your parents. "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example to them that believe, in word, in manner of life, in love, in faith, in purity" (I Timothy 4:12). Earn your parents’ trust and make them proud of you.
4. You shall learn to love your parents. "But I do," you say. When was the last time you told them? How many times have we, as young people, acted in a way that showed a lack of love for our parents? Too often, I’m sure. The biblical concept of love involves seeking the highest good of the person you love. We must show our parents we love them.
5. You shall obey your parents in all that is in the Lord. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1). Unless our parents tell us to do something displeasing to God, we must obey.
6. You shall "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you" (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:2-3). Honor indicates more than obedience. It is respect for those with authority. Jesus applies honor to financial support (Matthew 15:1-6). In any case, the message is that a child must respect and honor his parents even after he has left home.
7. You shall go to your parents for help and advice with problems. Problems often grow when held inside. Learn to confide in your parents when you need advice from someone older (Proverbs 13:1). If you communicate with your parents, they can understand you better.
8. You shall exhort your parents in their service to God. Christians are taught to exhort each other. Children can encourage their parents and help them, as long as they do so with honor and respect.
9. You shall compliment and commend your parents. Paul often commended brethren before he wrote words of rebuke. If you compliment your parents when you agree with them, they will be more willing to listen when you disagree. A sincere compliment shows love, concern, and interest. Paul wrote, "Be kind to one another" (Ephesians 4:32). In context, it is clear what Paul meant. Paul stressed kindness to promote harmony and unity in the church, but kindness also promotes unity and harmony in the home.
10. You shall not lose your temper. "A soft answer turneth away wrath" (Proverbs 15:11). "Be angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath" (Ephesians 4:26). You can discuss your differences more rationally if you keep your cool. Often an intense whisper is more persuasive than a loud scream.

Of course, these "ten commandments" are not exhaustive, but they should help young people as they try to get along with their parents. The years from 12 to 20 are particularly difficult years. Both parents and teens need to realize this. The young person's main objective is to act in accordance with the will of God, and a parent's main objective should be to train their child in what is right. If the child understands what is right and why, he can make better decisions. The way to keep the younger generation from ‘going to the dogs’ is to keep them going to the Word of God.