Life Has No Guarantees
by Doy Moyer
I follow a few pages and sites for those with Parkinson’s and their caregivers (usually a spouse). One of the things I’ve been impressed with (for the good) is the commitment that so many spouses have. It’s not easy for them, and they know this is a “rest of life” matter that they will not run from. Most just do what they know they must without complaining. For husbands and wives, this emphasizes the “for better or worse” part of their vows. It’s beautiful to see.
Sadly, I’ve also been impressed by the reality that there are those who refuse to care for a partner with special needs. With heartbreaking amazement, I’ve seen some talk about how much they hate what they have to do and are ready to leave. Some complain about how unfair it is that they are saddled with responsibilities they never intended to sign up for. This is so hard to see.
Marriages, over time, are filled with difficulties and trials. No one knows exactly what will happen in their future, but when we marry, we are indeed agreeing to the commitment it takes to care for one another, regardless of what may come with age and health. As we age, we are almost certainly going to face challenging times. One spouse may be tasked with responsibilities that could not have been anticipated, but when that time comes, there is no doubt about the commitment to do whatever is necessary for the other.
I have been blessed with such a spouse who, despite “me,” outdoes herself daily. I have a disease that will progress as I age, but in reality, we all are marching to the tune of deterioration with age (see Ecclesiastes). We know there are no guarantees of time. May I then offer this to those who are married or are thinking of marrying: you are agreeing to a commitment that may take you places you never thought about when, in your youth, you felt healthy and energetic. Take “for better or worse” seriously, and let your spouse know that when the difficulties arise, as they surely will, there will be no question about being able to lean on each other.
This has been my greatest source of comfort, and I thank God for it.
