Programming Children
by Michael R. Baggett
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Whether we like it or not, our children are being programmed to believe and behave in some fashion. Programming comes from the idea of programming a computer. A computer gives back what is put into it. Our children will only give us back what we put into them.
The older I get, the more the words and examples from my parents come to mind. Readers who have lived for several decades (I’m putting it nicely) will agree that we begin to see our parents’ thinking and attitudes in ourselves. Note, no one has perfect parents, but we do tend to take on a lot of their attributes. My parents were honest even to their own hurt. I worked at a job once where I handled 10’s of thousands of dollars with other employees. When $4,000 went missing, everyone who handled the money or entered the bank vault was required to take a lie detector test. I felt very offended to have to take a lie detector test. It is humiliating. For over two hours, I was questioned about all areas of life from the past to the present. When the test ended, the examiner commented, “No one is that honest.” I promptly replied, “My daddy raised me to be honest.”
While there is no guarantee that training your children in the right ways will always yield desirable results (there is always that exception, that rebel), it is certain that if you never correct your children but let them do as they please, they will break your heart! “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child who gets his way brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15 NASB95). When parents let the “tail wag the dog,” misery is expected in the future for those who must deal with spoiled grown-up kids' narcissistic attitudes. If you desire to fail as a parent, simply “do nothing.”
As great as King David was, being a man after God’s own heart, the Bible points out his failure as a parent. In what way was David a failure as a parent? The short answer is found in I Kings 1:6 NASB95, “His father had never crossed him at any time by asking, ‘Why have you done so?'" The New King James says, “...And his father had not rebuked him at any time....” David must have always overlooked Adonijah’s stubborn, self-willed ways growing up. Ignoring his son’s bad behavior and never correcting him comes at a high cost. What was Adonijah doing? David was now old and expected to die soon. Solomon was the next in line for the throne. A grown-up Adonijah, who had always gotten his way, thought he deserved to be the next king! What did he do? Adonijah prepared chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him to make a showing. He also tried to win the support of David’s servants. He wanted to take what was not his! (I Kings 1:1-12). His spoiled ways would cost him his life! (I Kings 2:13-46).
I have heard of young parents who just stood by while their children loudly interrupted other adults, rambled in other people’s houses, talked back to them, and even hit them (parents). What was the parents' explanation? They would state, “We don’t know what to do with them.” The Bible tells parents what to do with them. Train them up in the way of the Lord (Proverbs 22:6). This way means cutting out the path you wish for them to travel in life.
Note, many parents, who name the name of Christ, let their children “rule the roost” while television and videos provide the primary input for their children. If said parents really do not know what to do with their children, they should ask someone with more experience and search the scriptures for answers (Acts 17:11; Titus 2:3-5). One thing is for sure: correction by word of mouth or, if needed, spanking, needs to happen when the offense happens. Speak calmly and tell them what they did wrong, then teach them what is right. If you love them, you must discipline them promptly. Proverbs 13:24 is a much-needed verse for parents: “He that spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly" (NKJV). Are you prompt about disciplining your children?
The buck starts and stops with the fathers who are to make certain their children are trained and disciplined in the right way (see Ephesians 6:4). The wife and mother under the headship and spiritual leadership of the husband is to work with the husband programming their children to love God, Christ, the Bible, respect others, and respect authority (I Timothy 5:9-15; II Timothy 3:14-15; Titus 2: 3-5).
We all should desire our children to succeed in life. I believe in too many cases, there is far more emphasis on the ABCs than on Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John! What if children grow up to gain the whole world but lose their souls? Where is the profit in this? (Matthew 16:26).
Bringing up children to walk in the ways of the Lord should be every parent's priority. Parents, discipline your children while there is still hope (Proverbs 19:18). Once children become teenagers, your window of opportunity has largely passed. Are you programming your children to serve God?
