I’ve been living irresponsibly, but I want to serve God
Question:
Dear Sir,
I am a 35-year-old single man. I am writing this with utmost shame, disgust, and remorse for my sinful and irresponsible lifestyle when it comes to the sexual department. I have been very immoral, you name it, I am entirely guilty of the sin. Whether it be masturbation, pornography, fornication, you name it, I would probably say I broke all of God's commandments. I have been a lukewarm Christian. I fear myself as I am drowning in deep sins, and I would be in and out of it, compromising the truth by practicing lies. My greatest disgusting sin is visiting prostitutes, a frowned upon sin, wasting my own money and that of others.
I have visited many of them since my early twenties. There would be breaks in between, and then it would start again. As recently as today, I met one and was utterly disgusted by how sin has brought me to this, and at the same time, I am afraid to open up as well. I cannot go on living a life like this and end up in hellfire. I want deliverance and purity. What should I do? I even told the woman how bad I was. Deep down, I have a desire to serve God and love a woman, meaning to have a wife and kids, but these sins are besetting me. Oh, what a wretched person I am!
Can you help me, please? Will God forgive me, and will God actually let me have a wife of my own? I believe with God all things are possible. What should I do to repent, and how should I repent and break soul ties? There may also be spiritual phenomena, such as spirit spouses. I know the time is short. I am inexcusable as I have been taught the word of God from my childhood, and I have heard of holiness and purity. The coming of the Lord is nigh. I still haven't found my purpose, and I fear the dreadful day of the Lord. I, like Esau, gave up my birthright for a morsel of bread. The Bible says God hated Esau, so please tell me what I should do to be included in the Lamb's Book of Life? Please pray for me as well
Answer:
While you claim to be a lukewarm Christian, you haven't been living the life of a Christian. You have allowed your body to control your actions. The pleasures of the world have been more important to you devotion to the Lord.
The problem revolves around your desires. You want the benefits of being a Christian, but you avoid the effort. No one can force you to desire the Lord; you have to choose that for yourself.
If you are serious about changing, then the first step is to make sure you are truly a Christian and not just claiming something you haven't done. See "What Must I Do to be Saved?" and "How to Become a Christian."
Regarding your old life, you must make radical changes, so radical that your family and friends will think that you've lost your mind. Get rid of all your contacts with your sinful lifestyle. Get rid of all your "friends" who were a part of that lifestyle. Stop any drinking or drugs that you may have been using because you need a clear mind to serve the Lord. Start making it a daily habit to study your Bible each day -- whether for a half-hour or an hour. I recommend starting with Proverbs (see "Proverbs: Practical Advice on Life"). From there, study the Gospels (see "The Gospel Accounts: A Chronological Harmony"). Put what you learn into practice.
When you are tempted to sin, ask yourself what is driving you to want to sin. Then, find something righteous to do instead that satisfies that desire but doesn't involve sin.
