Is it adultery to marry again?
Question:
Good day;
I have read your articles on your website and I find them very edifying. I have a couple of questions, and I hope you can help me.
I became a Christian and was baptized at age 17. I was pregnant, and my mom had just become a Christian a year before, and she invited me to her church. That same day, I accepted Jesus. She kind of forced me to marry the father of my baby. He was very abusive, and I divorced him after two years. By then, I was not attending church as much, and I fell into sin.
I prayed to meet a godly man who would help me get closer to God. Five years later, I met my second husband. His family had been Christians all their lives. We were married, started attending church, and we served the Lord as best we could. He sang worship and evangelized. Throughout the marriage, we slowly stopped attending church, our prayer life was slowly decreasing, and one day, we both fell into adultery. After 20 years, we divorced. We fell back into our old ways. He now has a new life and a baby on the way. And I was lost in sin for four years.
I met a person and lived with him for two years. I started to feel shame, and I wanted to get right with God. I have repented and asked God to forgive me for straying so much. Six months ago, I moved out of the home I shared with this person because I did not want to live in fornication. I do not want to sin anymore; we were engaged to be married, but someone told me that I can never remarry again because it would be adultery. I want to live my life right and never want to live without God ever.
I am very depressed since I left. My ex-fiancé is also suffering because I abandoned him, but I did it because I thought it was the right thing, since I was told marriage was not possible. My heart is broken. And I pray and pray that God restores and forgives me. For the past six months, I have been trying to live a holy life. But no matter how much I pray or fast, I can't feel God's forgiveness, I can't feel His presence, and I cry so much. I live tormented by guilt and shame, and I regret so, so much straying from the path. I cry when I think of how I hurt the Lord with my sin. I wish I could take back all those years. I am always anxious and I can't hardly sleep. I want to ask: Can I be forgiven? According to the Bible, is it adultery if I marry again? Do I have to remain single?
Please help me. All I want is to be faithful to God and truly be obedient to His word, as I was meant to be. I realize I never really submitted my life to the Lord, and now I don't want to make a mistake again. I don't want to do anything that goes against the word of God. I want to be obedient and able to do God's will, living according to His word.
Thank you.
Answer:
I'm sorry that you had a rough start in life. We need to examine the situation objectively rather than emotionally. Emotions are unstable and misleading. The truth is firm and unchanging.
While you felt forced into marrying your first husband, the truth is that you had a choice. No one said, "I do" for you. Even before that, you had a choice about whether to have sex outside of marriage or who you chose to have sex with. You made your decisions, so you live with the consequences of those choices. You didn't divorce your first husband because of his unfaithfulness to your wedding vows. While I don't blame you for leaving to avoid abuse, the choice still means that you do not have a right to another marriage until he dies.
Throughout your life, you have been doing things your way. Now that you want to do better, you seem surprised that your way isn't God's way. You have been living with a man without marriage, but you act as if you had a commitment. Do you expect God to honor what you've been doing?
Instead of getting depressed about what you can't have because you made poor choices in your past, focus on serving God and being grateful for what you do have. Faith and righteousness are not about feelings. They are decisions that you make to trust God with your life and trust that what God said is true. "By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, "I have come to know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked" (I John 2:3-6).
Response:
Thank you so very much for taking the time to answer my message. I really appreciate it. May God bless you.
Question:
Good day, Mr. Hamilton,
I want to say thank you because I never thanked you for taking the time to reply to my message. I know now you were right. I need help. I don't know what is wrong with me. I tried for the past few months to do the best I could. I prayed and fasted, and I still failed God. I have not departed because I will never leave God again, but I fell back into the situation I had escaped, and now I have made it worse. I let my feelings for this person take over, and I came back thinking I could help him, but I can't. Now I realize what a mistake I have made.
I know I need to leave again. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to keep falling into the same sin. I thought I was strong enough, and look at me now again. Please help me in prayer. I don't know what is wrong with me. I pray for God to help me overcome. I think I'm going crazy. I was able to leave the first time, and this time is so hard. I packed my things, but didn't have the strength to leave. I don't know why I am like this. I am ashamed of myself for my wrongdoings and my sins. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm struggling to overcome this.
I'm so sorry to bother you. I feel hypocritical. I ask God to forgive me, and I do the same thing. Am I beyond hope?
Answer:
"For whoever is joined with all the living, there is hope; surely a live dog is better than a dead lion" (Ecclesiastes 9:4).
There is always hope while you live because you still have opportunities to change and improve.
It seems you are looking for God to force you away from your bad choices. That is not how God works. He allows you to make your own choices, and when you give your life to Him, He helps you through the problems. No one is going to push you out of this relationship. You have to decide that the Lord and his offer of eternal life are more important than your own pleasures and comfort.
Response:
Thank you for your patience and your counsel. I am grateful.
