My cousin left after announcing he was gay
Question:
Hello pastor,
My congregation is a close-knit congregation. The majority of us are family. My cousin, who was baptized in our church, has recently told the congregation that he is gay and that he does not want to be part of the church, he never believed in God, etc. This destroyed his family.
He left the next day while they were at church. He did not tell them where or with whom.
My question is: How should we feel? How do we move forward? The whole group felt like this was a funeral for his soul. How can we console ourselves and his parents? His siblings are devastated.
We are all so close, and losing a member feels just like losing a body part.
Thank you.
Answer:
You don't typically get a choice in how you feel. You choose what you do.
Your cousin made a choice. I suspect that it had been building to this point for a while. He knows his choice is wrong. He knew the church would not agree with his choice, so to save his pride, he left the church and claimed he never believed in God (an obvious lie). He knew his family would not agree with his choice, so he left home when he knew they were gone to avoid the conflict.
There really isn't much you can do except send him a message that you are willing to listen if he would like to talk. He has issues, but there is no telling what they are until he is willing to discuss them. Whoever he ran off to be with probably has told him all sorts of lies ("no one understands you," "no one wants to listen to you," "they don't love you," etc.) All you can do is prove the lies to be wrong.
What should not be done is showing approval for his bad choices. That will be the hardest part because it can be so easily twisted.
So, yes, there was a death -- the death of an innocent soul. It happened a while ago, but everyone just found out about it.
