Why can’t I find a wife?
Question:
I have spent so much time trying to find a good faithful wife. I cannot find one. I have searched for so long. I've tried online dating sites. I've tried everything. I've dated a number of girls and none of them wanted to marry me. I have tried so hard to be the right example and do the right thing. I always do something wrong. I always apologize whenever I do something wrong, but it is never good enough for them. I cannot do anything right. I always get treated like I'm immature. I try to be mature, but it never works.
Do you have any advice on how to find a wife? I do not enjoy being single. I do not want to be a bachelor. If I end up being a bachelor my entire life, I will most likely end up with depression. I need a wife or I'm going to be sick and lonely. What should I do?
Answer:
Instead of seeing these as failures, you should realize that you have succeeded in eliminating poor choices in a wife. I know, it doesn't feel that way right now as you ache from your current break-up, but it is the truth.
For the moment, you need to give your emotions some rest. Take some time off from looking and focus on living a righteous and good life. I believe that a part of your difficulty is that you're trying too hard. You want a wife so much that you sound desperate, which would turn off many women. Turn the matter over to God. "Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD" (Proverbs 19:14). In the meantime, expand your circle of friends. Talk to people, visit other congregations, go to gatherings where other Christians are. The more people you know, the better you will realize who will make a good wife for you.
A second thing that I think is happening is that you aren't really certain what type of woman you need by your side. If you are like many young men I know, you are latching on to women more because they notice you than for any other reason. With such loose criteria for starting, you are bound to end up with a high number of rejections. Expanding your circle of friends will help greatly in this matter. But in that circle, you need to be selective, find people who believe as you do, like to do the things you think are fun, etc. Travel and visit people you know.
But most importantly, spend your time improving you. Learn what makes a man be a good husband and work your tail off becoming such a man. Instead of chasing the fish, improve the lure.
- Be a man of courage: "Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong" (I Corinthians 16:33).
- Be an example of Christian living: "Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity" (I Timothy 4:12).
- Be a man others respect: "Likewise exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you" (Titus 2:6-8).
- Be a humble man: "Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble" (I Peter 5:5).
- Be a provider: "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (I Timothy 5:8).
- Be a man who is kind to all: "Now behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said to the reapers, "The LORD be with you!" And they answered him, "The LORD bless you!"" (Ruth 2:4).
- Be a man who cares: "And when she rose up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men, saying, "Let her glean even among the sheaves, and do not reproach her. Also let grain from the bundles fall purposely for her; leave it that she may glean, and do not rebuke her"" (Ruth 2:15-16).
