What is it that I am missing?


God truly does work in mysterious ways! My seventeen-year-old daughter came to me a few minutes ago as I was finishing up the kitchen for the night and told me that she had received counseling from a minister online and how great the advice given to her was.  Seeing as I am a born again Christian as well as leary of the Internet, I asked to read the response that she received. The suggestions could have come from my lips ( as they have many times), but because a minister gave it to her she instantly accepted the words as fact.

I am a 55-year-old woman, four years into my third marriage. I don't have a church home but consider myself to be very spiritual.  My thirst for the Word consumes me and I have so many books on every biblical topic. I also only surround myself with people who are on the same spiritual level as I am.  I have been through more trials and tribulations since childhood that sometimes I feel as though my life is up under attack by unseen forces and can count the times that I should have been dead or at the least in an asylum but by the favor and grace of God I have been spared.  I was so full of despair and worn from the battles that I married my high school sweetheart after not seeing him for 30 years just to get some rest from the battlefield.  I thought that my husband was spiritually grounded and we could join forces in this ongoing battle.  To my surprise, I soon realized that he wasn't where he thought he was in the area of spiritual warfare, and upon moving to unfamiliar territory, I found myself in a hostile environment fighting for my family alone. I feel as though I was ambushed and the fight to save my family has worn me down.

My husband is a very good provider and while he is distracted with work, my job at the present is praying over our household and keeping the enemy at bay.  I keep my eyes on Jesus at all times, but I am not sure about what he wants from me or what it is that he has been training me for.  What is it that I am supposed to be doing in the kingdom? I am intelligent, attractive, logical, grounded and ambitious, but everything that I attempt gets shot down.

Raising my daughters has been the biggest accomplishment of my life and I have always strived to be a decent role model for them.  They all are doing well in life and are all following the path that I laid out for myself, and I sit back praying and cheering them on, binding any spirits that I see trying to abort their goals.

What is it that I am missing? I hear Jesus speaking to my heart but I can't seem to get a good reception as to what his intentions are for my life.  I am too valuable of a soldier to not be used mightily.  I'm working on the unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, and despair against people who I felt have hurt me in life.  Self-esteem is at an all-time low.  I'm not depressed anymore, the spirit of heaviness had me weak and I prayed day and night for it to be lifted. I guess that I am hoping that Jesus will speak to me through you.


Jesus speaks through me only to the extent that I speak his words has the Spirit delivered and had recorded by the apostles and prophets. "If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen" (I Peter 4:11).

The Bible is God's power of salvation. "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek" (Romans 1:16). It is there you need to find your answers; not in some vague "leadings" or attempts at guessing what God's will is. God doesn't operate in such a fashion. "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work" (II Timothy 3:16-17). The written Word (Scripture) tells us:

  • What is right (doctrine),
  • What is not right (reproof),
  • How to get right (correction), and
  • How to stay right (instruction).

It is able to make a person complete and thoroughly equipped. There is nothing else a person needs to understand what God wants us to do.

I suspect that one of the reasons my note to your daughter made an impression is not that it just came from a preacher. I also strive hard to back up my points with passages from the Bible. When people see for themselves what God has said, it makes a bit of an impact in their lives. But when people just talk about righteous behavior, even if they are perfectly accurate, others only hear it as a personal opinion, and, well, my opinion is just as good as yours. In fact, since it is my opinion, I like it better than yours. So, let God do the talking and take on the role of a servant who helps others find what God is saying. "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth" (II Timothy 2:15).

The reason I mention all of this is that in many small ways you are going beyond what the Bible states is our role in life. I'm not going to list them out; rather, I would like to challenge you to go back to the Bible and "prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" (Romans 12:2).

"The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned, and in keeping them there is great reward. Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, and I shall be innocent of great transgression" (Psalms 19:7-13).

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