We feel disconnected from our congregation
Question:
Hello Mr. Hamilton,
Thanks for all your help. A few years ago I first wrote to you about a liberal preacher coming into our congregation and we eventually had to leave. The preacher was eventually dismissed.
But we searched out and are attending a sound congregation but do not feel connected. We have tried for several years. Our most recent experience is I have been ill and absent for over a month and no one has checked on us. I returned to my first worship after my illness and no one as much as said hello. During the announcements, someone was mentioned another sister being back from an illness and that they were glad she was in attendance today. My wife has struggled with going back to worship and when that was said, she lost control of her emotions and walked out.
We don’t know what to do. We aren’t saying they are bad people, but no one cares if we are there or not. I guess we need to move on. It’s just hard to have the same connection we once had.
Please pray that we do our part and find a sound congregation.
Answer:
Please keep in mind that I don't know your situation or congregation, so I will only make some general comments for you to consider.
There are congregations, especially in areas where people don't move in and out, where the locals have not developed true hospitality (the love of strangers) (Hebrews 13:1-2). They grew up knowing everyone and don't know how to pull new people into the circle. These congregations tend to die because there is no growth. A person finding himself in such a group has to reverse the process. He pulls the congregation into his circle by inviting them into his home and making sure to get to know each member well.
But there are also people who make it difficult to get to know them. Typically, these people are spotty in their attendance. You never know whether they will be there or not, and they make no effort to let you know what is going on in their life. Thus, the congregation finds out weeks later that the reason someone wasn't there was that he was in the hospital. The congregation is faulted for not visiting or calling but the person had already established a pattern of inconsistent attendance, so no one noticed a change. Often, when the person is missing longer than usual, people forgot and didn't check.
Therefore, somethings to consider:
- Have I made an effort to get to know my brethren? The love we are to have for one another is the love of devotion -- a love that is given even when it is not returned. Often, I have to make the first move to establish a connection. (II Peter 1:7)
- Am I someone that people perceive to be reliable and faithful? Do I let people know when I can't be at services or I'm going to be late? (Hebrews 12:23)
- Am I getting involved in the work of the church, such as volunteering for duties during worship or helping out with chores? (Romans 12:1-2)
- Am I open about my life? Do I let people know the good and bad things that are happening to me at the moment? (Romans 12:15)
- When there are social events, am I dependable to show up and help out?
As I said, I don't know the situation so I am not trying to point a finger at anyone. However, connections are two-way. Regardless of a lack of connection by others, I need to put effort into establishing connections with those around me.
Question:
I agree with you.
Thanks for responding. You are spot on.
I really appreciate the time you take to answer those who write to you.
I’ll definitely try and work on myself. But it makes me think how easily we dismiss others and their attendance when we should try and restore them. I feel we could quit going and no one care or ask why. I hope we can overcome that and be the Christians God expects. I’m responsible for myself, but I could really use some encouragement.
Thanks.
Answer:
"Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:3-5).
It is easy to find fault with other people but we have a tendency not to see our own problems. Acknowledging I have a problem requires work on my part to fix it.
In this case, moving to another congregation won't fix your isolation because you will still not have fixed your own contributions to the problems. They will just repeat. Thus, my encouragement to you is to become the Christian you ought to be -- not dependent on how others treat you but focused on pleasing the Lord and serving your neighbors. In doing so, you will find the connections that you are longing for.
Response:
Thank you.
