Shouldn’t the man sleeping with me divorce his wife?
Question:
Hello,
I am a 32-year-old female. I have three children. I was married but divorced.
I met a guy, and he was a very good friend. He introduced me back into church and has helped me through so many hard times. I used to actually think that he was perfect. He is a very devoted Christian. He doesn't curse, he helps everyone and never asks for a thing in return. However, he does have a past and was very honest with me about his testimony.
He has a wife and three kids, and two step-children. He is currently living on the opposite side of the state from his family because several years ago he molested his 12-year-old stepdaughter. He went to prison and got out. In prison, he spent every day getting closer to Christ and repenting and studying the word.
He and I started hanging out after church, and I would make him food. Slowly the dynamics of our relationship changed. He started asking if he could sleep on the couch if it was late. Eventually, he began hinting that he wanted to sleep in my bed. I began to develop feelings for him. However, when I told him, he said that he loved his wife and was going to try and save his marriage when he is off probation. Time went on and eventually, he initiated sex with me. It was very uncomfortable at first because I was very confused. He would say sorry and that he won't allow it to happen again, but he also has a sex addiction, and he does receive counseling. In the past few months, sex has become a very normal thing for us. He confuses me constantly with the things he says and does. He sleeps in the same bed and wants to cuddle and spend all his time with me. He goes through my phone and doesn't want me to talk to other men. Yet he won't commit because of his marriage.
Well, a month ago I found out that I'm pregnant. As a Christian abortion is not an option, and yes I know I've been sinning, though truthfully it has definitely crossed my mind. I asked him what he wants me to do, and he wants me to keep the baby.
He hasn't spoken to his wife in four years, and even now he still says he can't commit to me because of his wife. I am truly so lost and confused. I have been searching through the Bible for guidance in my situation. Is his decision about his wife the right choice? I don't think she is going to take him back after what he did to her daughter. Please give me some advice, including what you think God wants me to do.
Answer:
"You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:16-20).
When words and actions disagree, the actions are closer to the truth. This man is married and is committing adultery with you. You also know that he molested a child. While he claims to have changed, he also claims to be a "sex addict." This man is not a Christian, he is only pretending to be one.
Even if he divorced his wife, it would be because of his adultery; therefore, he has no right to another marriage. "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:32).
Kick the guy out and change the locks. He is absolutely bad news. I'm sorry you are pregnant, but that is the consequence of your sin. You'll have to raise your children without a father for now. Then repent of your sins and get right with God.
"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
