Should this elder step down?
Question:
We have a very difficult situation on our hands. I was hoping to get some advice on this.
My husband and I attend the church of Christ and we have two elders at our church. One of them has an adult daughter who left the church. She was married and got divorced (not because of fornication). She then remarried and wrote a letter to the church saying she was no longer a member there and left. Because of this, her father, the elder in question, says we could not disfellowship her because she had removed her membership already. To me, this sounds like a painfully obvious loophole. They think someone can say “I’m no longer a member here” and get out of having to be disfellowshipped.
My main point is that this elder, his wife, and a good portion of the congregation are keeping company with her -- inviting her to birthday parties, holidays, etc. She also has a child in this unscriptural marriage, so there’s a grandchild involved for the elder as well. They all hang out with her as if nothing is wrong with the life she’s chosen.
My family are the ones seemingly having to pay the price, as we are the ones who don’t think we should be associating with her. While everyone else refuses to stop, we are the ones who no longer attend the gatherings with them. She is supposed to be the one who feels the sting of no longer having fellowship with us, is she not? She is supposed to be made to feel ashamed for leaving the Lord, is she not?
My question is, do you think the fact that this elder refuses to stop associating with his unrepentant daughter disqualifies him to be an overseer of our congregation?
Answer:
Your question is not really about whether this elder should step down. "Stepping down" implies the person voluntarily leaves his position because he doesn't think he can suitably fulfill his duties. You are asking whether the congregation should remove this man from the eldership because he is promoting sin.
When the woman left the congregation, there was a withdrawal. Even though she initiated it, there was still a separation between her and the members of the congregation. Thus, the elder was partially correct. There was no need for the congregation to do what the woman had already done to herself.
Where the mistake was made was to treat the woman as if she had not left the congregation. "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one" (I Corinthians 5:9-11). While those outside the church are judged by God, outsiders should not be treated the same as members.
People have multiple ties to each other. If two co-workers at a job are Christians and one leaves the church, they still have to work together. What changes is that the close tie is no longer there. One might still have to attend a company function with the former member, but you don't invite him out to lunch. The elder still has a daughter. There are some obligations there. He still has a grandchild (who has not sinned) and there are obligations there. The mistake he is making is not limiting his interactions with his daughter to only what is necessary.
However, the real difficulty is that the congregation needs to decide whether the elder is failing his duty to the church. Since you mentioned that most going to gatherings that include this wayward sister, it appears they have already decided that there is nothing wrong. You can teach about the importance of not associating with wayward Christians, but it won't mean people will listen.
You could move to another congregation, but you will still be separated from the members of your current congregation.
What is going on isn't right, but you appear to be doing what you can.
