One year without cutting
As of tonight, it has been exactly one year since I promised God that I would stop cutting myself, and I've kept that promise.
It feels so unreal, the fact that it's been one whole year since that night. And for once in my life, I feel like I've actually managed to do something right. I probably shouldn't feel that way though, considering all of the times that I wanted to give up and that I probably would've given up if people hadn't been there to help me at points. So what I wanted to say is, "thank you."
Sometimes I get mad at you when I'm sitting alone in my room, wanting to hurt myself again because I know that if it hadn't been for you, I probably wouldn't have stopped cutting when I did. Stopping had never even entered my mind until you told me that I either needed to stop or I needed to tell my parents that I was doing it. So maybe I would've still stopped when I did, but chances are, if it hadn't been for you, I probably wouldn't have, and sometimes I get rather angry about that fact. But I also know that even though cutting helped at the moment, in the long run, it wasn't good for me, and stopping led to many new things that I'm glad to have come about, like being back in church. So even though I get mad at you sometimes, I never stay mad because I know that you helped me in a very huge way, and I'm thankful for that day last year when I was searching on the Internet for something I probably shouldn't have been searching for, and God led me instead to you.
I know that I've never met you, so maybe it's improper to say this, but you really do mean a lot to me Mr. Hamilton and I'm thankful that I have you to help guide me when I don't know which way to go. I'm sure that God tries to guide me as much as He can; I'm just too stubborn most of the time to pay attention. But maybe that's why God sends people to help other people because we tend to be less stubborn then ... I don't know.
Anyway, thank you for helping me to stop cutting, and thank you for helping me with everything else that you have within the past year; I really don't know what I would've done without you.
This is easily one of the sweetest letters I've received in a while. Thank you for taking the time to write.