My second husband left and now wants a divorce. What should I do?
Question:
I have a past that I am not proud of. I was in and out of the church and never truly committed to God. I did ask for salvation when I was around 19 but was still not committed to God.
I was married for the wrong reasons to my first husband and 11 years later we divorced. The last two years of our marriage were a nightmare. He snuck out, just didn't come home, and I believe was also looking at porn. He was not working on a relationship with me, and I eventually emotionally separated myself from him also. I did commit adultery. I knew it was wrong, but I was just longing for the affection, love, and attention that I did not get from him.
I am now married again and my husband now has been unfaithful to me. We have had a very rough marriage and last year he walked out on me and the kids. He has a problem with porn, lying, and manipulating which has really driven a wedge between us. We have been together 13 years and married for 7. My husband has been married three other times before me and has children with two other women besides me. I was married once and he is my second.
The difference now is I am now truly saved and a Christian. For a year now I have been holding on and standing for my marriage. The first few months he was gone he called but then the calls stopped and we went six months with no word from him. He visited in December and the visit went well, then he left and started calling again. At one time he stated he wanted to come home. A few days ago he came for a visit and stated he wanted a divorce. His reason was that he has no stress or acid reflux where he is at now, but if he comes back, then he will have the problems again.
I have people all around me telling me to divorce him and some telling me to continue to hold on. I am so tired. I know I am probably reaping what I sowed but my question is: Should I continue to stand until death do us part? What about if he files for divorce? Should I let go or hold on? He is not a Christian but was raised in a Mormon church and went to a Christian high school. He knows the Bible. I believe he is just running from God. Please help me with what you think of this situation.
Answer:
First, I would like you to read: I need a dumbed-down version about divorce and remarriage. The rest won't make nearly as much sense until you understand the basics of what God said about the matters of divorce and remarriage.
It seems fairly clear that your first husband was committing adultery; however, you muddied the waters by also committing adultery. It would appear that the divorce was due to both of you being unfaithful to your marriage covenant, which means neither of you would have the right to another marriage.
You committed adultery with your second husband prior to your marriage to him. I suspect that because he had three prior marriages that he was unfaithful to his marriage covenants and had no right to another marriage. So in both of your cases from a biblical viewpoint, your marriage was adulterous. It seems clear that your current husband is continuing to commit adultery with another woman.
Since you should not have been married in the first place, I would recommend that you end this marriage. Plan on living a single life. Unless your first husband precedes you in death, you won't be able to marry again. Given your success rate at picking husbands, it probably will be a good thing to leave the married situations behind while you grow in the knowledge of Christ.
Because of the way you stated you became a Christian, I suspect that you have not done all that God required of you. I would like you to read What Must I Do to be Saved? and if you find you haven't done everything you should make corrections.
