My boyfriend and I sinned this afternoon. What do we do?
Question:
My boyfriend regretted having sex with me after I cried because I allowed him to have sex with me. I cried because I prayed to God some years back that I was never going to engage in sex before marriage, but I was able to control myself these last few months with all the kissing and touching of our private parts. Regretfully, just this afternoon we had sex. We have plans of getting married. My boyfriend is jobless, but a university graduate. I am in my final year at the university. He is several years older than I am. We love to be close to God. We sometimes fast for our future, but we still can't resist each other, especially when we make up for a misunderstanding. His mother does not show interest in me marrying his son, but we love each other. We pray that God will touch the heart of his mother to agree to our dreams of getting married when he gets a job.
We need your advice, but my boyfriend says we shouldn't talk about what happened today again, so I don't know how to communicate with him if you advise us. I want us to live a God-fearing life. Please assist us.
Answer:
What you did was walk down the path that leads to sex and then were surprised that you reached the destination. Sin didn't just occur when he had intercourse with you. The two of you have been sinning for a long while. See: Is it OK to be sexual with someone you will marry soon?
Sin isn't taken care of by pretending it didn't happen, nor is fasting a cure for temptation. "These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence" (Colossians 2:23). The answer is for both of you to admit that you have been sinning -- not just today, but all along the way -- and make changes in both your attitude regarding what you have been doing and changes in your behavior so that you are no longer involved in any of it. While you want to be close to God, you have not been living a life that draws you close. Sins separate you from God (Isaiah 59:1).
I hope that both of you decide to change, but from your description, I get the impression that your boyfriend didn't think he did anything wrong. He is only upset that you are upset. If that is the case, you may find that he won't change his behavior to be godly. If that happens, you will have to decide whether God is more important to you or your boyfriend. I hope it doesn't come down to that, but you need to be prepared for the possibility.
