My 28-year-old son is very accusatory. How do I handle the situation?

Question:

My son is 28 years old. He has spent a good part of the last ten years instructing me about how I need to change my ways and live by God's word. I believe that his intentions are sincere; however, I feel as though he looks for fault in everything I do. I am his mother, I, unfortunately, did not have a close relationship with God in my younger years, and have been developing a relationship with God and Jesus over the last decade through the guidance of my son. If I step one foot out of line (according to my son) he sits in judgment and chastises me and berates me with a very sharp tongue. He doesn't allow me to speak or explain, he just gets louder and lectures constantly about what I'm doing wrong. I feel as though he actually sets me up to fall and looks for every little thing he can find to point out how I'm not on the right path.

Of course, I have other children who are younger. They are middle school and high school age. These children are the sweetest things in my life. They are dedicated students and have reputations for being good people in our community, as do me and my husband. I work hard every day to become closer to God and, of course, slip up occasionally or forget to acknowledge God. I do not claim that everything I do is in God's name. I know that I have a long way to go.

I feel that my son will never allow me to have a moments peace or ever see me following the right path. He claims that it's because he loves us and must be heavy-handed. His tongue is very sharp and accusing and he allows no room for human error. I actually worry that he uses God in the wrong way. He and his wife have become vegetarians over the past 3 or 4 years and are now purchasing all organic food. I have absolutely no problem with their lifestyle, other than the fact that my son smokes pot and claims it to be the "herb of the earth." The current lectures are about my food, that I am not eating from the table of God and I am feeding my children poisons and toxins (like milk, MSG, pesticides on fruits and vegetables, toothpaste with fluoride, etc). He addresses most of these topics in arrogance and condemnation. He exhausts me. He upsets me. He hurts me with his words.

I have an older daughter who will be 30 next month. She and her husband and son lived with us for 18 months. At first, it was working out fine, but then I became a meddler because I gave my daughter instruction regarding the care of her son, and spending of money fruitlessly. Perhaps I was wrong, but I was only trying to give them the wisdom of my experience with spending and caring for children. I have made mistakes in my past as a mother and caregiver and made stupid and irresponsible choices. My intention was to save them from the same suffering and hard lessons. The funny thing is, my daughter and I have had our share of arguments and falling outs, but we always forgive and forget and move on. My son, however, continually punishes me for everything I have ever done -- and I did nothing to him.

I am 47 years old, a mother of 5, and a grandmother of 3. In my life, I have not been perfect, but I have always been there for my children when they've asked for help or guidance, I don't do drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, I don't beat my children, I provide a good clean home and loving surroundings. I participate and attend all of their activities, teach them about God and instruct them that they are accountable for their actions. I'm not chastising nor looking for my son to be wrong. I'm just concerned that he is heavier handed that one needs to be. It concerns me that in his attempt to bring his family closer to God he may actually be driving them away. He has actually yelled and screamed in our backyard accusing my older daughter of being a whore and a sinner. Yelling at the top of his lungs that she is full of demons and needs to cast them out.

When my youngest son was 7, he had a bout of anxiety disorder where he worried that if he wasn't with his mommy something might happen to me. It was a bit extreme, I even had to go to school with him for a few months until I weaned him away from the worry and he gained confidence back. Through this traumatic situation, my son accused him of being possessed by a demon and has since referred to him as the EVIL 666 child. My younger son is now a typical 13-year-old. He is annoying sometimes, defiant occasionally, but has more love and kindness in his heart than most 13-year-old boys I know.

Please help me to understand what is going on here and if you have ever dealt with this type of situation before.

I pray a lot about this!