It’s all my fault, but I can’t stop seeing my old boyfriend
Question:
Hi,
I am a Christian in a church in my country where my mother was pastor. I feel all frustrated, and I know I am the sole cause.
I've been dating a guy for the past two years. We were supposed to get married but unfortunately, things didn't work out properly because of family pressure on both sides.
A year after we broke up he got married to another girl. But two weeks after his wedding we started dating again. I could not help it because I still loved him. Now he is cheating on his wife, and I feel like it's all my fault. I gave myself to him and we've been having sex on a very regular basis. I feel like he is using me just for sex now because whenever we see each other that's the only thing we do. I know he loves his wife, and he is just using me. I really want to stop this relationship, I don't know how to avoid this guy. He is just everywhere I am. At church, in my house, over the net. Whenever he calls I just can't help myself but go. I feel frustrated. I am not happy. Every day I cry since I started this relationship again. And I still love him. Help me.
What should I do?
Answer:
First, you have to stop lying to yourself. You claim to be a Christian, but you live in sin. You claim you can't help yourself but you have full choice. You say you love him, but it is nothing more than a physical attraction. To call what you are doing "love" is to denigrate real love (I Corinthians 13:4-8). Besides the fact that you are calling God a liar. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13).
Is this affair totally your fault? No. He would have sought out a mistress whether it was you or someone else. But you are committing adultery with a married man. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). Yes, he is only using you for sex, but no, he doesn't love you.
There is only one thing you can do and that is to stop the sin by no longer seeing this man. Switch to a faithful church since the one you are attending is not following the truth anyway by having a woman pastor in conflict with I Timothy 2:9-10 and I Corinthians 14:34-37. You need to get right with God and stop putting your feelings ahead of faithfulness to God. "Jesus answered and said to him, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father's who sent Me" (John 14:23-24).
