I hope you all are well. I’m a sister (I think) and your website has given me great encouragement and also some questions recently.
I was baptized after several months of Bible study. I am concerned that it may not have been done the right way or that I may not have had ‘true faith.’ I was somewhat unsure about being baptized because I felt that I hadn’t done all that was necessary to come to God and to fully mean my baptism. Truly, I was awake early on the morning of my baptism and repented yet again, more purposefully this time, and wrote down in a journal all of my sins, why I was sorry for them and why they would not bring me closer to God.
After that, I felt much better and ready for the baptism. But at the actual time, during the talk before I was dunked, I felt excited and nervous, maybe a little unsure, but I reminded myself that the 3000 who were baptized in the Bible had much less preparation time than me and did not complicate things. The same was true of the eunuch.
Small note: We noticed a rainbow just before we went into the ocean for my baptism!
Immediately after the baptism, I came out of the water and cried a little, overwhelmed and thinking that I was finally sort of God’s kingdom and truly saved but within 20 minutes of being baptized, I felt guilty. I’m not sure why and I thought I would get advice from another source. I felt as though I had faked everything in front of everyone and had brought everyone out for no reason, I felt guilty toward God as if I had failed Him again by getting baptized too soon and yet again faking it as this was my second time being baptized. But the first time I truly did not mean it or understand what I was doing at all. That night I was quite emotional out of what felt like guilt and fear and sadness. Later I found out that the two sisters who had baptized me had also had terrible nights and they were sure that it was the Enemy and his wicked ways trying to get back at us.
Over the next few days I felt whole, genuine joy at times, and horrible anxieties at others, mostly just terrified that I had not done my baptism correctly, or that I had missed something.
Now I feel anxious about my baptism and embarrassed at the thought of maybe having to do it again. I haven’t been good with my Bible reading, but I’ve just gotten back into it and it is somewhat helping.
Honestly, I’m just not sure whether I am truly saved, what that is supposed to ‘feel’ like, and if there is any way that I can be sure that I am saved.
Thank you so much for your time and God bless!
"By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, "I have come to know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked" (I John 2:3-6).
The problem is not in what you did but in the fact that you rely on your feelings, which God told us are totally unreliable (Proverbs 28:26). You mention no reason why the baptism wasn't done properly. You knew what God taught on the matter. You had faith. You repented of your sins (though you went overboard in trying to list every one of them out). You were immersed for the forgiveness of your sins.
Instead of looking for some feeling, see that you did as God directed.