I’m afraid to convert


Good evening,

I hope you are doing well and staying healthy with your family. I found your website on the Internet while I was looking for advice from Q&A’s, and I read numerous articles of yours.

I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for over two years. We intend to marry each other when we’ll are in the same country.

I grew up in a non-spiritual household. I went to a private Christian middle school and high school but religion is something that I am afraid of. Whenever people asked me what religion I am, they always would go with a stereotypical answer and assume their thoughts as the answer, so I would just tell them that I am an atheist. I kept thinking this way, and now I don’t believe in salvation of any kind.

My boyfriend loves me and is only asking me to be a Christian so we could marry and have children. He explained to me that becoming Christian would allow me to go to heaven (if I pass the day of judgment). Our kids will know that I’ll be going to a better place when I am no longer alive. I understand his thoughts. I am not against Christianity since I went to services while in school. However, I just don’t understand why religion is needed.

I honestly don’t mind living as a Christian, going to church, and praying. I agree with most of your answers. The Christian perception of life helps put your thoughts into a clear mind so the sins do not affect your actions. But the hardest part for me is to say that I want to be a Christian. I believe that you can live by the morals of Christianity without being one.

I hope that you can help me on the right path. Thank you in advance for taking the time to reply to me.


"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him" (Hebrews 11:6).

I get the impression that you see Christianity as a philosophical way of life. Those who follow Christ do have a way of life that they live, but that way is a consequence of their belief in God. You don't become a Christian by pretending to be something you are not.

You are correct that a person can be moral without being a Christian, but without a standard of morality that is greater than himself, that person will end up making compromises to suit his view at the moment. Without a standard, it is too easy to deviate. Without a belief that the standard comes from someone with authority over your life, it is too easy to ignore.

Don't misunderstand me. I would love for you to become a Christian, but I would rather see you change because you are convicted that it is the truth and not because you see it as a way to gain a husband.

Still, you used the word "afraid," and I don't understand how someone can be afraid of something she says she doesn't believe. Or is it that you are afraid to bind yourself to requirements that you don't really accept?

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