I want to be baptized, but how can I find a true believer to do it?

Question:

I recently came across the fact that baptism is a necessary step for the forgiveness of sins. If this interpretation is true, it means that I've never met a Christian in my whole life. Most people I know who are or claim to be a Christian were baptized because they knew God commanded it. They did it with the mindset of if it's commanded, I'll do it, even though they lacked understanding.

I know that God says come to Me with the faith of a child or like a mustard seed. Will it still count? Or are they lost since it was said by a preacher who doesn't interpret the Bible correctly?

My family didn't fully understand but had the interpretation that it was necessary and believed it was, but were baptized in a church that didn't believe it was necessary. They themselves still thought it was necessary and are secure in their faith. They gladly accepted the fact that it was for forgiveness when I told them but said they're confident in their salvation and are currently in between churches. There is no church of Christ in their area, and they don't plan on getting rebaptized because they are secure in their faith. Are they still saved? And can I be?

I still want to be baptized and have recently turned my life around, but I can't be happy or joyful about it. I am having trouble finding a church and due to the reputation of many churches of Christ, I know that a ton of them are really hateful, culty and filled with wolves in sheep's clothing. I'm trying to have faith that God will lead me to a correct baptism, but I'm worried it won't be authentic if I'm not baptized by a true believer.

I have OCD, by the way, so maybe it's just my worries. I know God has a lot of grace. But I know I won't even be excited when I get baptized because I'm so traumatized by the fact of everyone I know is going to hell. I feel like I'm constantly on the edge of a panic attack and have been praying for God to take my life after I get saved, so I don't have to deal with the pain or mess up and lose my salvation. I regret it after but the feeling always comes back. I feel dead inside and keep breaking down and try not to get angry at God, but the thoughts keep creeping up. I also feel like I'm under demonic attack. I keep seeing the same numbers and getting sleep paralysis where I hear and see stuff moving in my room every time I sleep on my back. I can't function at work some days and can't even be happy that I stumbled upon the truth. I still want to be saved regardless and continue because I know Jesus says we have to be willing to leave family, but I'm worried I'm a reprobate because that sorcerer in Acts was denied salvation because of his bitterness, and every example in the Bible people were joyful in their conversion. I'm just in so much pain and heartache and feel like God hates me.