I want someone to love. Why can’t I remarry?
Question:
I was married for ten years. In the last four years of marriage, my husband was a deacon at the church we attended. Throughout our entire marriage he had a lying and stealing issue, and unbeknownst to me an opioids addiction as well. Long story short the opioids took over his life. He started stealing from the church, lying to people about our finances to get more money, and taking money out of the bank to feed his addiction. During this time I was praying like a madwoman. I have seen God move his suppliers out of his life, but he’d always find a new connection. I had one last plea with him: just tell me what it is and how much, we will put it in the budget and you can have it on the weekends. He denied he had an addiction. Immediately afterward my heart turned cold. I wasn’t ever able to recover from that. I asked his Christian mother what I should do. She said divorce him. I said OK.
When does a divorce take place in God's eyes? Or does it?
And if it doesn’t in this situation, and I am still bound to him and I can’t get remarried and I can’t have a sexual relationship because that’s bad too, why do I have to suffer because he chose to humiliate himself and his family?
I want to have someone to love again. I loved being married. I couldn’t go back to my ex if I wanted to now. He's actually in jail now. It’s so sad.
What are my life choices? Now that I’m dating, can I not find love because I’m actually still married, or I haven’t found the man God wants for me? I’m in my thirties. I can’t be alone for the rest of my life.
Answer:
You tell me that your husband has always had a problem with lying and stealing. And yet, you said nothing when the church you attended asked him to serve as a deacon. "Deacons likewise must be men of dignity, not double-tongued, or addicted to much wine or fond of sordid gain, but holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. These men must also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach" (I Timothy 3:8-10).
Since he has always had a lying and stealing problem, it is likely that he was addicted before you were married. I would not be surprised to learn that you had hints of problems before you married him.
You also tried to solve his drug problem by compromising, which, of course, did not work. You can never somewhat sin.
In the end, you decided it was best to divorce him. I don't blame you for that decision, but the choice came with consequences. "But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11). Now, after the fact, you want to be released from the consequence of your decision. In fact, you've already started down the path of rebelling because you decided to date.
Since you did not divorce your husband because of sexual sins on his part, you have two choices: remain unmarried or reconcile with your husband. Reconciliation would require that he clean up his drug addiction and so if you want that path you will have to encourage him to seek out help.
You had decided that not being married was better than being married to a drug addict. You'll have to live with your choice and stop saying everyone else is being unfair.
