I ruined my reputation as a Christian. Do I have to marry the woman I had sex with?
Question:
Hello sir,
I have read some of your answers related to sexual sins and I thought to seek godly help from you. I was a very strict Christian in my early life. But after completing my education, I desired worldly things instead of growing in God. I am staying in a non-Christian country, and I am always surrounded by non-Christian people at my work and in society. I had sex with three non-Christian girls within two years. But then I repented and turned back to God. However, recently I sinned again. I had sex with a non-Christian girl working with me in my office. Earlier I had taken her to church and shared the gospel with her, but later on, I sinned with her many times. I repented yesterday, but I am still feeling guilt because:
- I had sex with her on purpose.
- I dishonored God and my parents by having sex with her.
- Instead of winning her soul, I sent her to the edge of hell.
- I am upset because she thinks that I have misused her.
- I am worried that she might think that Christian people are like worldly people because of me.
- I am worried about her ending up in hell because she will not accept Christ because of me.
Please help me. Do I have to marry her to save her soul?
Answer:
Your observations regarding your sins are all correct. It is sad that you did not think of these things before you crawled into bed with her. You did misuse her and she misused you. "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18). The reason you had sex together was because of selfish desires. This wasn't about benefiting the other person.
Since you both sinned, you both were heading to hell. You, however, finally realized how wrong you were. I'm glad you repented. Show the zeal that Paul talks about in II Corinthians 7:10-11 in your life from now on.
You are right that your bad example showed you to be a hypocrite. You didn't honor God or make His teaching look important in your life. But you can't begin fixing this problem by continuing to sin.
Whether you marry her or not is up to you. You haven't mentioned her having any qualities that would make her a suitable companion for the rest of your life. The decision about whether to marry her has to be made independent of your sexual sins. Under the Old Law, a man who had sex with a virgin was required to marry her if her father agreed (Deuteronomy 22:28-29; Exodus 22:16-17). We aren't under that law, and you didn't mention if she was a virgin or not. The law was there because a man having sex with a virgin ruined her reputation making it harder for her to find a husband. It also served as a way to encourage young men to think before their passions trapped them in a marriage they could not get out of.
Marrying her is no guarantee that she will become a Christian and serve Christ faithfully. Teaching her is something that is likely not possible for you to do. You can't trust yourself being alone with her. Your actions are a barrier to her believing the truth. You can use this as a teaching moment when you explain why you cannot have sex with her or anyone other than your future wife, but likely she will see this as self-serving. You'll have to pray that someone else will be able to reach her with the gospel.
