I don’t feel connected to God or other people

Question:

Hello,

I apologise in advance for what may be a lengthy email, but I would love to hear your thoughts on my situation.

I am concerned about whether I am loving God properly. I believe in God and the Bible, I am Christian and I try to obey the commandments, (no fornication, no alcohol etc). However, when I read Psalms and see David saying stuff like he rejoices and thirsts for God, I don't relate. I don't feel emotions of joy, and warm fuzzy love feelings when I think about God. It's more like I acknowledge that He is the Creator and I should obey. I don't feel joyful when I sing in church, I don't cry tears of joy etc. I am pretty neutral in terms of my emotional state. I don't feel loved and that I have a Father who watches over me and cares for me. I know and believe those things 100%, but I don't feel the emotions that one would expect to accompany those beliefs. I feel no desire to give sermons or be a church leader.

Furthermore, I don't feel like the church is my family. Like from a knowledge perspective, I understand that it's my spiritual family but I don't feel compelled to spend lots of time and get close to people in my church. I am very introverted, and much prefer being alone. My typical day involves work, and then being by myself. I don't enjoy socializing, and currently don't desire to have a family or anyone close to me. I attend the service on Sundays (before covid), sit in the back, greet a couple people who approach me, and then leave at the end. No bonding with anyone occurs. I tried attending a couple small group meetings, but never truly enjoyed them, and just felt drained after they were over.

The only thing in life that makes me feel happy emotions is my career and learning. Not because of money, but because I enjoy the work I do. I enjoy learning. I am neutral towards everything else. No desire to have a family, marry, socialize or anything else, since besides my career, everything in the human experience doesn't appeal to me.

My question is, can I go to heaven if I am like this? I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, I have been baptized, I obey the commandments. I help anyone I encounter who needs it. But I don't feel the joyful emotions and love as I described above. I would appreciate your wisdom on this matter. Thanks.

Answer:

"For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot says, "Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body," it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. And if the ear says, "Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body," it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body" (I Corinthians 12:14-20).

The Psalms of David were written throughout his life. Many express his emotions at that moment in time, such as when he had to face the fact that he committed adultery and covered it up with murder (Psalms 51), when priests were murdered because David had stopped at the tabernacle to beg for bread (Psalms 52), when people he thought were friends betrayed him to Saul for political gains (Psalms 54), or when David was caught by the Philistines while trying to hide from Saul and he feared for his life (Psalms 56). In other words, David went through some very trying and emotional times in his life and he wrote about them. His hardships strengthened his dependency on God and his appreciation for God's protection.

I'm not a poet. My life has been relatively calm in comparison to David's. But the Psalms capture strong human emotions -- both the highs and the lows -- which is why you can find different Psalms that mean something to you. I can see what true reliance on God is like and that gives me someone to imitate though I may never reach the level of David.

Feelings are never a measure of your faithfulness to God. Feelings change. Feelings are unreliable (Proverbs 28:26). It is knowing that you are obedient to God that is more important (I John 2:3-6).

I can understand your preference to be alone. I share a bit of it myself. But I also know that it isn't good for me to be isolated. We all need people in our lives. "And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18). We aren't designed for a lonely existence. It kills us spiritually.

So I do things to break the ice. My wife and I regularly have someone over for meals. I go to the young people's concerts and sporting events when I can. I love camping, canoeing, and hiking so I arrange trips and invite people to come and join me. My back won't let me play sports anymore, but when someone arranges a softball or volleyball game I show up to take pictures. What I'm saying is that even if it is not your favorite thing to do, find reasons to be with brethren outside of worship services and Bible studies. If you don't like large crowds, find reasons to meet one-on-one. Connections don't just happen. Connections are created when people put in the effort to be with other people.

Start with simple things. Listen in on other conversations. Make note of things. A young man says he is running a race next weekend so make a mental note to ask him the following Sunday about how his race went. It doesn't matter if you are interested in the race. What the young man will remember is that you were interested in him enough to remember. You hear that someone is moving a couch so ask if they need an extra hand. Do and say things that tell other people that they are important to you. Over time you will find people asking you to join them and over time you will find yourself caring about them.

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