I'm an addict. And I'm supposed to be a born again Christian. I'm so ashamed. I need help from God, real help.
It's actually not drugs but sex. I can't seem to be able to say "no" to the opposite sex. After the whole thing, I always end up crying. Anyway, I really went to my knees and pray to God for grace and strength to resist this, and I have been fasting. Everything actually looks good and feels right, but deep down, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop -- waiting to mess up again and go back to my old ways.
I think I don't trust God and knowing this I still didn't change anything.
I just don't want to be used anymore and above all, live for Christ. I don't want to disappoint God again or do anything that will bring His name to shame. I really want to please God. I don't want my prayers each month to always be, "Please God let me not be pregnant." I had several abortions, as a matter of fact.
I don't think you give yourself enough credit. I think you can say "No." What you'll have to do is help me to understand why. What is it that you are hoping to gain by letting guys use you for sex?
Apparently, I can't say no. I'm not forced nor coerced. I gave in to it -- again -- after promising God and prayers and all that. I know I'm not a lost cause and Christ loves me, but like the Bible says, do we abide in sin that grace may abide? Because I think I've exhausted God's patience, love, and grace, I can't even face God. I'm tired. I'm baffled because I always shunned relationships or intimacy. The whole of this sex thing is just for the moment.
People often think of God in terms of themselves instead of realizing God is not human. Since you've given up on yourself, you think God must be tired of you. "Seek the LORD while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:6-9). God is eternal. Waiting for you to straighten out your life is nothing to God. "But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9).
I know you can say, "No" because God said it is possible. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (II Corinthians 10:13). What is needed is understanding why.
People make choices, choosing paths because they perceive some benefit. You risk disease and possible pregnancy by having sex. You know that it is against God's will, so you also risk hell for it. So what I'm trying to figure out is what you as beneficial to having sex with different guys -- especially guys you don't know well, if at all.