Brother Hamilton,

How do you get someone to respect you? How does it work, or how is it supposed to work? For example, this girl I was dating called me while she was under the influence of alcohol. We were hashing out a disagreement about something. I immediately corrected her on it, and she started talking out of turn, raising her voice, and try to excuse it by saying that I disrespected her first, even though I didn’t. I only warned her about some self-destructive behavior she was engaging in. I told her calmly that it’s still not acceptable and that because of it I’m going to let her go, Then I hung up on her. I’m pretty positive I didn’t do anything to deserve being talked to like that, but I want to know how to prevent it, or how to behave in a way that a person is less likely to want to cross those lines whether In personal life, professional life or dating.

I appreciate your help!


Asking for respect from someone who is drunk is expecting a bit too much. Alcohol clouds a person's judgment (Isaiah 28:7). This is why it is described as, "Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise" (Proverbs 20:1).

Why are you dating a woman who drinks? Rather than being concerned that she did not respect you, you should be thankful that you found out about her destructive behavior before the relationship became serious.

But to answer your question in general, respect is something that you earn because others look up to you for your skill or wisdom. But even the best of people are not always respected, just look at the lives of Jesus or any of the prophets. There will always be people who refuse to give respect to people they disagree with.


I don’t know. I want a marriage someday, but until I find the right one, I make time to date for entertainment here and there, I suppose. I don’t really care too much about the vices they have, as long as it's not out of control. I like their personalities, for the most part, and we treat each other a certain way. And even though lately it seems the women I have dated wouldn’t be ones I want to commit to for life, I still try to be open-minded and give them some kind of chance to see if it could be possible. Maybe I should just stop entertaining them altogether if I can’t see a long-term future with them.
Thanks. I appreciate your answer. I think I am expecting too much and really shouldn’t be surprised here, especially considering the context of the situation.
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